You're the sad smile,the one that regrets nearly

everything and is constantly wondering about

what could have been.You're not happy with

your situation and usually blame yourself

because of the bad things that have

happened.Cheer up.


What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


haha. interesting again..

You represent... apathy.
You don't really show any emotion. You can be

considered cruel and cold, but you just don't

really care about anything. This is just the

way you are... you're quite a challenge to

get close to, and others may perceive you as

boring.


What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla


haha. interesting.

haha ok.. so i'm juz darn bored. so i took some of the tests for fun. as in quizzes.

hey it's kinda upsetting to noe tt i shld be a guy instead.

haha but then again.. howl? kira?? dark???

whew. but seriously.. if i reli were a guy..

i'd be damn gorgeous to boot, man.

What Howl's Moving Castle Character Are You?


Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.






What Gundam SEED Character Are You?


Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.







What DNAngel Guy Are You?


Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

lunch break. darell n natalie did come aftr all, but they were at their desks n i din c them come in. hm had lunch juz now with nat cos darell wanted to take a nap. there was vegetarian food today! haha n i was happy for like, the first time in wat, a wk?

ok. exaggeration but ya i dun rmb smiling abt smth for a while.

hm.. i juz realized y i mite be so panicky n nervous abt tmr, n the same goes to those out there, who are currently freaking out.

it's cos pple like me.. live up to pples' expectations toooo much. i shld read deathprone's blog more often - there's this entry abt him not wanting to live up to expectations anymore, or smth lidat la. hm.. yst i was frowning n my sp fren was like dun worry la.. u doing badly is like.. bu ke neng lor.. (which means impossible)

n not to overestimate myself or brag or anything, but he's not the only one. my cousin oso said, 'u ar.. shld be ok' la.. shld be ok?? haiz, i dun even noe how 'ok' i'll be.. wat does 'ok' mean, anw? i mean, even this guy at work - whom i dun even noe well - said 'results are out tmr, rite? ni yin gai you ba wo la.' which means, i shld haf a gd grasp n control of my results.

hell, i certainly don't.

so i juz replied, 'i dunno'. which is the truth anw.

he said 'huh? dunno?' n then he walked away when i didnt say anything else.

yupz, i haf no freaking idea how everything'll turn out tmr.

i juz hope i wun leave the place crying. in fact, i hope i'll be one of those pple smiling like idiots.

for once, i dun reli mind being an idiot. in fact, i dun mind at all.

i asked my mum 'wat if i dun do well?'

'then re-take lor'

haiz. i noe it sounds logical, but it almost feels like she's given up hope on me la. in the past she used to say 'do u reli believe u're tt bad?' strange as it seems, i used to feel better once she said tt to me.. u noe, believe more in myself.. haiz or mb i've been asking her tt qn so often nowadays tt she's juz lazy to encourage me le.

my dad? oh, his ans was even more.. oh well, u judge it for urself.

'dad, wat if i dun do well?'

'then u can zi dong xiao shi'

(which means tt i can n shld disappear automatically)

my mum asked me 'y do u ask ur dad, of all pple? u noe he doesnt think when he speaks.'

haiz.

seriously, if it were me, asking myself tt same qn of wat if i did badly, i think i'll ans the same way. i'll juz zi dong xiao shi.

n once the results are out, the cages are unlocked.

n the vultures are out.

roaming n twirling in the air until they find smth to devour.

which in this case - gossip.

Sandra Oh (from Grey's Anatomy - which is a fantastic show btw):
'the only thing here tt spreads faster than disease is gossip.'

well said, sandra oh.

well said.

i'm gg crazy~~

hm.. my fren suggested gg to sch on thurs instead, so can take ur results alone. haiz, but if i wait one more day i'll surely die of heart failure or smth. hm.. in my office now.. soooo slpy.. i had a considerably gd nite last nite. as in, even if i did have nightmares or smth like tt, i dun rmb it. hm.. but i rmb having dreams lei, juz forgot wat they were. hm. oh well, better than dreaming abt ur results all the time. =P

this is so boring. i'm supposed to count the number of application forms for interviews in both singapore n malaysia. yst i stumbled upon my fren's application form. same age as me lei. but confidential la. anw i dun reli noe her..

haiz.

i thought i was juz stoning these few days. until i realized tt almost everything's lost on me. like, i dun reli understand tt's gg on arnd me. it juz goes in one ear n out the other. this is even worse than stoning, seriously. i'm almost like.. well, a walking zombie, to be specific.

n the two other part-timers.. havent seen them arnd yet.. they're usually quite punctual lei.. mb they didnt come.. haiz.. xian.. then i'll be stoning all alone with nth except my gackt pics on the wall to distract me.

for once, gackt isnt reli helping.

this sucks.

i was checking out websites abt the japanese schools in Singapore and abt the JLPT (Japanese Language Proficiency Test). apparently my teacher got things mixed up when she said levels 3 and 4 were the highest out of the 4 lvls. the highest is actualli level 1, not 4. hm n to attain tt level, i've got to complete abt 900 hrs of japanese.. calculating the amt of hrs im learning now.. it's a grand total of.... 72 hrs.

great.

so i checked out the various japanese schools. i found out tt the s'pore jap sch has pri n sec sch levels.. pri sch?? muz i resort to THAT??

then i checked out another school. or rather, lang centre, if u ask me. it's called aoba smth la. okok i noe e name sounds a bit weird, but the courses lk.. substantial. definitely sounds better than pri sch.. BUT - and it's a biiiiig but - the courses are sooooo expensive!! there're part-time n full-time courses. full time courses include 5 sessions per wk, which means a lesson everyday la. i'd love tt, reli, but how can i afford the time? plus the prices range from a few hundred to $1300.

whew~

how can i afford the time.. AND THE MONEY?? this is crazy.

omg. i need to think of smth fast. mb i'll juz take the part time courses.. but i dun think there's the advanced level.. which allows me to have a better grasp of wat the JLPT level 1 is supposed to be. anw, to be able to study or work in japan, i need to take the test n attain either level 1 or 2.

whew~

or mb i'll study my uni stuff first (provided i manage to get into uni la) then take full-time courses aftr i'm done.. which means by the time i graduate frm uni.. i'll be 21-22? then plus the jap lessons n the JLPT n everything else i'll be mb 24? hm ooooooooollllllllldddddddd..

hm.. haiz.

how bleak can the future get?

freak out.

it's monday.. 2 more days before the results are out.. nope not the star idol results. the A level results.

sucks.

life sucks.

i can't help but worry or freak out.. i mean, i'm seriously ridiculous la. haha it's a pretty amazing thing for me to admit this myself, so those pple who've fallen off their chairs, pls get back up on ur ass.

hm.. anw as i was saying, i'm being silly n ridiculous cos when i haf nightmares abt how badly i've done, i wake up in cold sweat, and with a splitting headache - smth which i seem to be getting pretty often these days.

then, yst nite, i had a supposedly gd dream. it was still abt my results but they weren't half bad. but then i woke up with a splitting headache as well. cos i realized tt pple often say tt dreams are the exact opp of reality.

haiz.

then when i thought back abt the nightmare i had.. y didnt i think tt dreams are the exact opp of reality lei? then i'd be somewhat comforted by the fact tt i had a nightmare. which sounds pretty ironic, if u ask me. haha but i guess it's juz like me to be worried abt almost everything. haha ok so mb everything.

hm.. in my office now.. missed the earlier 858 bus. seriously, i hate all 858 drivers la. they juz drive off without u!! n i was like 'haiz' with pple staring at me with tt wat-the-hell-is-she-running-aftr look. haha oh well i guess i'd laugh if i were one of them too.. haha

hm.. i hope there's smth to do today.. to distract me frm all these stupid thoughts abt wed, which btw is getting nearer n nearer......

ok. stop freakin out.

i printed out some gackt pics. wanna pin them to the walls of my cubicle, so i'd at least haf smth to stare at, i guess.. haha but the ink's a bit off.. my poor gackt. haha

oh wells, back to work. if there is work, tt is.

oooooo guess who came to SIA today?? Bryan Wong!!

No, not the stupid gay. it's the one on star idol!!!

he's so cute in real life la.. took two pics. one of the two of us and the other of him alone. i think the former looked weird, esp since there was bad lighting. plus the pic was small, so i deleted it. but i kept the pic of him standing alone. he's soooo cute!

KAWAII~~

ok stop gawking. haha but he's a bit dao dao la.. i heard frm this other colleague that initially he didnt wanna take any pics.. but in the end he agreed ma, rite? tt's wat's impt. besides, i think he's juz shy la.. cos one supervisor knows him.. then when she talked to him he like shy shy lidat.

KAWAII~~

haha ok ok.. but towards the end of the day i heard news tt sorta ruined my good mood la. my fren said tt this particular boss's secretary told her to tell me tt i shldnt wear denim skirts and sneakers. crazy. i'm not even in her department la... i guess she's juz concerned n doesnt want me to get confronted by someone else straight in the face. but seriously, sometimes pple shld juz keep their 'concerns' to themselves. as in, my own supervisor didnt even say anything. she told me on the first day, 'it's ok la, u only part-time ma. can wear anything u want.'

so there.

but haiz, i guess i'm gonna dig thru my wardrobe to find smth more formal to wear. like.. a long skirt? ew. can't even think abt it. haha oh wells.

today's result day! oh star idol of cos. then again, i've nvr reli watched the show. haha wonder if bryan wong's worth it. i'll c if i can post his pic.. i need to find a way to transfer pics from my phone to my comp anw.

yes, the perfect excuse. =)

wat strange creatures human beings are, aren't we?

we haf to fall.. juz to c how much smth means to us.

we haf to be disappointed.. juz to c how badly we want smth.

we haf to cry.. juz to c how much we care.

we haf to lie.. juz to c how far we'll go.

we haf to hate.. juz to c how much we truly love a person.

how strange n ironic can human beings get?

very.

= i cannot cry. because i know tt's weakness in your eyes=
=because of you=kelly clarkson

actualli.. i noe tt crying's not weakness in your eyes. but in mine alone. but i can't expect anyone to accept it because i can't even accept it myself. wat i mean is, i can't accept the fact tt there're pple who think otherwise when crying is weakness in my own eyes.

but give me a break. pls. u haf no freaking right to judge me the way u did.

u had no right to act so tired like u were the one gg thru all tt shit.

u had no right to say anything.

u had no right.

none at all.

so back off. dun expect me to appreciate u for all the times u've been there for me. not when u're constantly rubbing it in my face.

i dun need reminding. i need it juz as much as i need ur pity or sympathy.

i can deal n i can manage.

with or without you.

in fact, sometimes i feel tt i can deal better without u.

u'll nvr noe how i long to tell u all this straight in ur face. but i wun leave ur life wretched, not when mine is, too.

i need to move on.

somebody give me a kick in the ass.

haha yes! i got my payslip today! but i juz realized it mite be less than i calculated. damn tt CPF.

anw it's kinda dumb la. cos they calculate it by mth. so-called 'pro-rate' la. but since i didnt start frm the start of the mth (therefore, i din work for a whole mth), they pro-rated it and then gave me wat i deserved. then there's CPF. irritating. give me all my pay!! i can save it myself!! i dun need the freaking officials to save it for me.

ya i noe.. can use CPF to pay for ur house, sch fees, medisave/medishield etc.. yada yada yada. as usual, the govt has got it allll covered. therefore, i'm not complaining. (ya, rite. u bet i am) *innocent look*

hm.. lunch break now.. half an hour more be4 work starts. haha this is one of the rare times in life where work's treasured n cherished. i guess this job is gd for me aftr all. ok tt needed quite a bit of convincing. hm i take my words back. we'll c again when i'll all done with work (ie. when my contract's up).

today my supervisor told me tt they MIGHT extend my contract aftr 3rd march. incidentally, i've heard tt 3rd march's the day tt the results are out. hearing it, typing it, thinking abt it.. makes me sick. damn sick.

hm.. lunch break.. updating my blog.. not bad.. life's not such a bugger aftr all. except yst i was wondering abt smth..

the perfect reason to run.

wat could it possibly be? in sch, i nvr could run worth a damn. out of my close frenz, huimin n sangee were always the ones who could run. i hate running. to me, it's making me unnecessarily tired. haha but tt's juz me. sorry to those cross ctry runners and those other pple who like running so much.

anw, tt's not the pt. i juz realized a few days ago.. tt i actualli could run worth a damn.

tt is, when i'm running away frm my problems.

and then, suddenly i'm lking at it right in the face.

lking at wat? lking at..

the perfect reason to run

Addicted - Kelly Clarkson

It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm running from you all the time

And I know I let you have all the power

It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
It's like you're a leech
Sucking the life from me

It's like I can't breathe
Without you inside of me

And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time

It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me

It's like I'm lost
It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me
Leave me alone

And I know these voices in my head are mine alone
And I know I'll never change my ways

If I don't give you up now
It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me

I'm hooked on you
I need a fix I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it

Just a little bit more to get me through this
I'm hooked on you
I need a fix I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it

Just a little bit more to get me through this

It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me

i've always wanted to win.

nvr did i noe i've lost. by a long shot.

whoa. juz viewed my earlier entry. scary.

haha i muz've been reli pissed this morn. all's well now though. haha

weakness.

everyone's weak in their own way. right? i'm sure. but today i heard e word n i totally freaked. i dunno wat came over me, reli. i wasnt angry or anything. juz.. hurt.

then i thought abt it n figured tt if someone called me weak.. i'd either 1) shout out tt i'm not or even worse, 2) run into an empty room, bolt e door n juz cry.

haiz i dunno y.

Broken - Seether ft. Evanescence

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore


how easy it is to fall.

TGIF? nope. not today. today it's FHIF. What does it stand for? Freaking hell, it's friday. Needless to say, i'm having a super bad day today. and it alllll started since morning. how the heck can so much evil start so earli in such inhumanely earli hours? well dun ask me, i'm equally baffled by it all. let's start:

1) i left the house at a ltr time than usual (due to e bk i juz bought. haha it's such a great bk n i was so damn captivated by it tt i forgot abt e time. so there. but no natter how charming the little bk was, it wasnt enuf to put me outta my misery)

2) the stupid bus came late.

3) i realized at e end of e trip tt i din haf enough value in my dumb ez-link card for the next trip. as if tt wasnt traumatizing enuf, i found out tt i din haf enuf coins. disgusting.

4) so i took a cab since i was running late n i din wanna ask e pple arnd to exchange coins for notes. call me stupid, proud or watever, but i juz couldnt bring myself to ask. so i took a cab. but had to pay an extra charge of $4. $1 cos it was in the morning n during peak hrs n $3 cos i took a cab frm the changi airport region. for goodness sake, i hailed a cab BEFORE the airport police station. so technically, i wasnt even at changi airport yet la. but of cos the driver didnt believe me. plus he HAD to rub it in by saying tt there wouldnt have been an extra charge of $3 if i had hailed a cab further down the road. well, thx a lot, mr cab driver. i certainly am enlightened. well i salute u n ur freaking cab. and i hope tt u get to buy a better brain (one that actualli works) with tt extra 3 bucks.

5) so the trip costed me $7.70. for a 5 min journey. i dare say it was worthwhile, dun u think? *rolls eyes* sux. then i went to the office. trying hard not to bring my personal unhappiness n affairs to work. cos i've always believed tt personal affairs and work shldnt be mixed. so i thought my day JUZ MITE turn for the better.

6) well, guess again. Sheryn (the woman who's supposed to be delegating tasks to me every day - i've even stopped calling her the 'lady' cos i didnt think she was elegant or smart enuf to deserve it) called me on the office phone n said 'are u in the system?' i was abt to say 'hell, yeah' when i held my tongue. so i said 'yup'. then she said 'ah i need to update smth but i can't cos u're in e system. so can u ah get out of it so i can update my papers?' (c the thing is, if someone is in the system, which means doing smth to the excel spreadsheet on another comp in another a/c, then another person can't do anything but read the document. e person wun be able to save any changes n do any updating. it's a damn screwed up system if u ask me)

anw, u noe wat, lady? u can freaking go to hell with u n ur papers.

a toast then, to u n ur papers n the management. oh, not to mention, of cos, the warped n twisted system. i hope u all rot in hell.

then i blatantly asked her 'then what am i gg to do?' she said 'eh... well i got 2 names tt havent been updated at all in the database. do u wanna come downstairs to find them n update their particulars?'

i mean, come on, u're not exactly giving me any choice here, are u? so i juz said yes.

therefore, i went allll the way downstairs (e desk i'm sitting at - wouldnt call it mine - is located at lobby C, 3rd floor, while the desk she's sitting at is located at lobby A, 1st floor.) so in other words, it's a looong way down. just for 2 freaking names. so i tell myself, oh well, better than nth rite. so yes, i went down like a gd girl.

once the rest of the pple in e office saw me there.. i was suddenly so damn popular. cos they all wanted me to bring some papers up there. so i said ok, since i'll be gg up soon. but i still needed to wait for sheryn's instructions be4 i went upstairs. i mean, i didnt wanna go up only to go back downstairs again. then while i waiting, this other colleague said, 'u havent gone up yet, right?' i shook my head, then she said, 'dun forget, ok? it's v urgent.'

well then. urgent isnt it? i had such an urge to juz tear e paper into pieces n drop them into the dustbin beside me la. right in front of her face. if it's so freaking urgent then go up urself. man, i was dying to say tt n watch the colour fade frm her alr pale face la. but i decided to be nice. n smile. 'of cos i wun forget' i said. i mean, of cos, how can i forget it. since it's so urgent n all. i'm so honoured n i'll definitely deliver the papers to the person's doorsteps, be it rain or shine. besides, i'm faster than DHL.

ok i noe i sound like a rotten brat at this very moment. but i juz wanna vent it out somewhere. so i guess my blog would be mooost suitable. hm i feel better alr.

but things got a teeny bit better. in fact, rite now, i'm using the internet. at my desk. at the comp at MY desk. not the web lounge. guess y? haha cos i changed comps? nope. guess again.

haha then again, i've changed my mind. ask me personally if u'd like to noe. it's dumb, reli. but kinda smart too. i pat myself on the back n tell myself, gd job done. so now, i hope nobody's peeking over the cubicle walls.

anw it's rude to do so. so those who look in when they're walking by..

piss the hell off.

finally..

finally work to do! haha sounds pathetic la.. but come on i stare into space like so often i'm beginning to go crazy. well, slightly more crazed than i usualli am la, but tt's a diff issue altogether.

it was kinda funny, reli. i had lots of things to do.. but i updated abt 200 plus names i guess. mb more.. din count. but i was trying to do them excruciatingly slowly when i realized tt one pt of time, my hands were working faster than my brain.

so it's true then. my brain cells are degenerating. thx to the stoning.

i'd love to go to japan.. .again. i told my parents abt the italy trip tt naf's planning. my dad's first rxn was kinda comical. 'there goes another hole in my pocket'. haha oh well dad, bear with it. =) my mum didnt say anything. so technically she didnt approve nor did she disapprove. then i said, 'but i wanna go to japan again..' she replied, 'i thought u went there be4 alr'. which, knowing my mum, i hope she meant tt i'll be allowed to go.

then again, i told her the ip would be dec next yr. so the other half of me thinks tt she didnt say anything cos she has as much faith as i haf when it comes to the success of this trip.

almost none at all.

haha. the other day at marie's house the three of us (marie, naf n i) were discussing abt this silly trip. i asked naf, 'why italy? i'd rather go to japan.' marie: 'ya, why italy? i dun mind japan.' n we got this simple and infuriating ans. well, more like a simple ans la, mb juz infuriating to me.

'oh, cos keegan and i both like italy n wanna go there'

Hello? give me a break.

so wat?

then freaking go by yourselves.

marie and i both like japan n wanna go there but u dun freakin care cos you 'hate jap food' and tt it's 'yucks' and 'ew'. so technically... i shldnt freakin care either.

so go away & leave me alone.

2nd wk of work.. yes! i can do it. i can get thru this dumb boring stupid job.

haha. hm.. actualli work today was much better than yst. even though i spent even more time staring into space. n i mean a loooong time staring into space. haha. tt means, abt a few hrs? stone queen. hm. but i got my own desk today!! no more sharing desks, sitting at empty tables, sitting at the scanner table.. whew~ at least i got comp access now. i guess tt pretty much made my day, even though i had absolutely no work to do aftr lunch. i swear, i'm gg to grow fat on this job. hm. but i still dun haf internet access!! i heard frm e other two temp staff (who are reli nice btw) tt temp staff wun haf internet access. haiz there goes my bubble of happiness. but then again, it didnt reli get to me much la i guess. but it still got to me a bit i guess. i mean, i wanted to update my blog one lei. plus check mail. plus etc etc. at this rate, if i reli do haf internet access, SIA'll be paying me to enjoy my life. haha mb tt's y temp staff dun haf internet access; they're too free tt they can do anything but work. unlike those full timers who haf loads of work in their 'in' tray. haha. anw there's this web lounge for cabin crew mbrs to use internet access. where the comps are turned on 24/7, i think. therefore the comps there haf internet access, without requiring a password. correction. actualli there's onli one comp like tt. n did i mention tt e comp's almost always occupied and tt the lounge is like at the other end of the place i'm sitting at? bleah *blows raspberries*

but i'm still not complaining la. cos i got my own cubicle!! mind u, i dun mean toilet cubicle. i mean office cubicle. not tt i like being confined or anything la. but it gives me a sorta privacy, u noe? unlike the other two temp staff darrell and natalie, who sit at desks without walls arnd them. ie open space la. but then again, they're working for a much much longer time!! both for 6 mths, supposedly.. well at this pt of time i dun reli noe if tt's a gd thing or not. for one, e workload's much greater.. not tt i mind, reli. i dun mind more work, actualli. so i guess tt's the gd thing abt working for a longer period of time. but then again, if i'm alr this bored.. hm.... some things are better left unsaid. =)

today's V day~~~ happy valentine's day everyone. haiz i haf no valentine though. sad. =P but then again.. i've nvr had a valentine be4.. even though i turned down one. hm.. oh well. it's juz a normal day i suppose. with tt extra mushy aura in the air. haha nvrtheless, wishing almost every couple out there a happy valentine's day~ why almost every? well i dun think e world of some couples, sooooo...

as i said earlier.. some things are better left unsaid.

lunch break now. again.

but thank god it's fri! i can't wait for the weekend to start. though i wun haf the weekend all to myself.. =(

sat:
morn - bank. with mum.
afternoon - laselle open house. with terence.
evening - ms lai's house. with ex tuition grp.

sun:
noon - grandma's house. lunch.
aftrnoon - out. with nicholas.

i'm a busy girl, aren't i? hoped to haf at least one day to myself. to laze at home. but i guess not. nicholas'll probably fly into another rage if i tell him i dun feel like gg out/too tired to go out. which, at this pt of time, i dun think i'm in e mood to handle his outbursts. no siree. so i comply.

it's called giving in.

or so called. to me, sometimes giving in is juz another way of saying 'i dun understand'. but tt's e way e world goes round i guess. so end of argument.

i'm not a gg out sorta person, i guess. i prefer staying n lounging arnd at home. rather than go out. haiz. but i guess i'm juz weird. most of my frenz all like gg out.

hm.. naf's toking abt this trip to italy. dec next yr.

next yr??

come on, let's be realistic abt it.

i dun think it's gonna work out.

naf says, 'this time it will. cos im planning it.'

no. 1: she says 'this time' cos e last time ben planned smth lidat, it failed. terribly. explains my lack of faith, huh?

no. 2: she says 'i'm planning it'. i mean, not to be rude/mean/anything since she's my fren aftr all.. but.. so? so wat if u're planning it? u can't control everything u want. things could go wrong.

so as i said. let's be realistic abt it.

or in other words, let's haf a lack of faith in this. e higher ur hopes are. e harder u'll fall.

it's an old cliche thingy. but pple nvr learn.

tt's y we're humans, aftr all.

imperfection.

i think i'm suffering frm some kinda split personality or smth. which is kinda scary.

y do i say so? cos i'm updating both my livejournal and blog at the same time. and my livejournal a/c? dun c it. nobody shld c it. it's almost like a suicidal account, for those pple who are optimistic abt every shitty thing in life. tt's y i've nvr given anyone the name of my a/c. so i guess it's gonna be more private there, than over here, in blogspot.

my blog's much more cheerful. be happy u're reading this, not the other one.

lunch now~ boring as usual. i dunno how can it be tt even lunch is boring. e colleagues tt i've eaten with for the past two days haf to go for some course thingy. which includes lunch and if i'm not wrong, it's buffet style. they said they'd invite me, but i can't reli bite n chew. so haiz, im stuck here updating my blog in the office. when no one's around except this boring old guy. he's e onli guy in the small office and he doesnt seem to tok at all. so no pt trying to talk to him. not tt i've even thought abt doing tt. haha

funny. i was hungry. then i bought sandwiches. (yes, i can finally eat smth tt's slightly more solid tt disgusting porridge.) but actualli porridge isnt disgusting. not e one tt my mum/maid cooks, tt is. moderation in life. tt's y i'm sick of porridge now. come on, i've had it for like, a few days in a row. give me a break.

anw, it's egg sandwiches. ya can't reli venture into ham i guess. but oh well i'm thankful. so, i was feeling quite hungry. but aftr eating juz one sandwich i felt full. in other words, im hungry but with no appetite. and i dun think it's the porridge. nor the food. i guess smth's wrong with me.

terence told me once, you're gonna go wrong one day.

cos i told him tt i thought sex was disgusting. come on, it reli is. to me, at least. aftr all im onli 18.. *sweet, innocent look* so ya. he says one day sex is gonna be the onli thing i think of. cos he believes in moderation. i mean i believe in moderation too.. but ya to me, sex is still disgusting.

i'm so tired! i've nvr been so tired for a long time. not even when i was standing the whole time when i was a cashier. weird, huh? i think it's the journey i haf to take back n fro every day. bus 858 is terrible. do not attempt. esp in the morn. juz yst i got a free ride cos when the bus doors open, there was absolutely no space in the front. only at the back doors. so when i got in and tried to tap my card.. error! oh well. not that im complaining, now tt i haf to pay adult fare and all. yups.

e old man in the office's gone. to the toilet i suppose. or to finally haf some human conversation with someone else other than the pple in the office. i thought i was finally alone in the office. at least, for abt, 5 secs? then another boring lady came in. she's reli nice. but sometimes reli slow. haha ok i know im mean. but im not in the greatest mood today. so cut me some slack.

is this wat it's like to work in an office? i reli dun mind the work. or doing piles and piles of work. i kinda like the idea of sitting in an office. at ur own desk. well i emphasize own cos i'm rite now sitting at the scanner table. it has a computer that pple use for scanning purposes. im supposed to be sitting upstairs, then i'll have a table of my own. not tt i'll be able to decorate it though. (damn!) anws, as i was saying, i dun mind like staying back aftr work to do stuff. haha i noe im weird.

oh half an hour more till work starts. mb i'll grab another bite of the sandwich i bought. it's not nice, btw. plus i can't reli bite yet. so yups, double misery for me.

no make tt triple. with an unknown misery tt onli me myself shld noe. n will prob ever noe.

i guess tt's y terence said, 'u dun let anyone get near u n know or understand u; u practically build a wall around urself'.

i dunno. mb he's right.

3rd day of my braces! heh today's a boring day as usual. i swear, there's smth abt hols tt make pple sick aftr a while. i mean, sick with boredom la. hm. results coming out soon n tt's like one of the few things tt're on my mind.

i'm getting my pay frm cold storage next fri. so much for no delay. only $400++. how dumb. all tt slogging. haha well... actualli i didnt slog tt much la. but standing's hard work ok. n to all those who's been cashiers before, i know exactly how u feel when u stand at the counter at the end of the day, printing those shootover reports. technically i still need to minus $5, cos i had $5 short one day. e last day of my work, if im not wrong. xian.

but i'm lucky, i guess. my fren says she's still searching for a job, whereas tmr i'm taking on my third job le. at SIA. as data entry. i noe.. it sounds boring. then again, it's nth compared to the customer svr job at cpf. the one i would have taken instead of the SIA job. i mean, customer svc, in my opinion, is like, ranked 10 out of a scale of boredom. n mind u, e scale's frm 1 to 10.

like i said, i'm lucky, as compared to some of my other frenz. those who can't find jobs, and those who're in army. sometimes i feel tt these poor guys deserve our every respect.

tt is, until they complain.

ok. i didnt want to mention names here, cos it'll be A) mean. and B) if e person whose name i've mentioned stumbles upon this website, it's gg to be sooooo embarassing. ain't it.

ok, moving on to less sombre stuff. not tt what i said previously was v sombering or anything. whatever.

heh.. i'm not using the home comp now.. using my dad's laptop, cos my irritating, pesky lil bro's using the home comp. playing this dumb online game. smth called 'take to the streets'. i mean, even the name's dumb la. and this laptop's like so hard to type. i'm losing speed. haha

i wonder wat u haf to do for data entry. i heard tt it has a lot to do with microsoft excel. oops. i do not noe much abt tt. seriously nth much i noe abt excel. microsoft word? no prob. impress me. but microsoft excel. shit.

oh well, guess we'll juz c wat happens tmr. hope i dun get into trouble during my first day of work.

juz downloaded this game. my dad's laptop, however hard it is to type in it, is pretty damn useful cos it's so much faster than my home comp. my home comp's like loaded with so much stuff tt it's almost impossible to download anything else than vthe things tt are alr present there.

ok oops. did i juz praise my dad's laptop too much. murphy's law. it juz showed me its way of saying thank u.

low battery.

thx, man. anw, the game's called o2-jam. reli fun, if i do say so myself. those musically inclined pple shld go d/l it at e-games.com/my. it's like one of those games at the arcades. but those u use percussion. ya smth lidat. go check it out.

critical battery.

sheesh, i get the hint alr. hm i gotta post this fast. haha it juz went on hibernation a while ago n i was like, shit. everything i've typed.

then the screen came back on. not risking it again. haha

till next entry. ciao.

oh! my first day blogging.. i wonder if i'll ever tell anyone my blog.. but i guess my cousin'll know.. cos i asked her a lot of stuff abt it.. heh

hm nth muz to say today.. i imagine tt i'd haf lots more stuff to say tmr.. heh.. tmr i'm getting my braces. i'm so excited abt it! though i haf no doubt tt i'll look damn horrible in them.. haha i want pink and green braces! i noe i noe, weird.. but then again.... i like it! heh.. read quite a few blogs.. xiaxue's blog too.. ok la.. nth reli v fascinating abt it i feel.. she's juz a normal person ma.. no biggy.

oh ya n tmr (hopefully) i'll be getting my pay frm cold storage.. no i mean from the agency, kelly services.. hope they dun delay it.. i reli want the money!!! need it! want it! haha ok so now i sound desperate. watever.

hm if pple read my blog.. tt means.. i can't haf anything private.. can i? no i can't. tt's not the purpose of blogging.. it's abt writing stuff tt u feel. sometimes abt stuff tt u dun feel, but juz write in the hope of getting someone's attention. hm. interesting.

i love gackt.

ok, random comment. =)

i reli haf nth to say. for once. it's rare, u noe. cherish it. =)

gackt! =) (my first pic) 

Designer: Jessica
image: D.A
Fonts: Dafont
Others: Paint & PhotoShop