heard this song on this taiwanese variety show. quite nice lei, as in, the real version. the one tht the contestant sang was quite.. well, not as good la. it's called, 'i want to be happy', by a-mei (it's a chi song btw, so i'll be translating it) it's reli a nice song, but at the same time, it's reli sad.

i've been hurt by love once again
it's all right, i'll grow up once more
he just left
his cigarette's still burning
but his scent is no longer there.

i'm not someone who's born for loneliness
but still, i get that more than anyone else
even if i have the whole world
i'll still have nothing.

i want to be happy
i want to be able to sleep peacefully
there are some people in the world
who'll feel warm only when they're left alone
who'll stop hating only when they leave
i should have let it go earlier

i want to be happy
no matter how loudly i may laugh
when you feel cold inside
everything else feels wrong and false
only your tears will reflect the harsh reality

thinking about the past
i want to thank the people who've hurt me
i want to be that optimistic person
who'll smile at the sound of every raindrop

i want to be happy
i want to be able to sleep peacefully
there are some people in the world
who'll feel warm only when they're left alone
who'll stop hating only when they leave
i should have let it go earlier

i want to be happy
no matter how loudly i may laugh
when you feel cold inside
everything else feels wrong and false
the decision i made
will be the right one

sad, huh? even though i think i did a pretty shitty job of translating but well.. no inspiration rite now. so yeah.

anw i'm gg to phuket tmr. dad's going along too, so yay! we're going as a family tmr, even though it'll be on the evening flight and we'll lose out on almost one whole day. hooray~ hope it'll be fun. :)

disappointment, as it seems, is very hard to swallow. may even be much more than anger or sadness.

supposed to go to phuket over the wkend, cancelled my meeting on sunday. but it turns out tht becos the booking was too last min, there were no more vacancies for sat morn. we were supposed to leave for sat morn and then return back on monday. but then now only the night flights are available. almost everywhere else is booked. bali is booked for the whole of july and august, and becos of the return of HK to china thingy on 1st july, hotel prices in HK have risen 3 times as much as the normal pricing.

becos we'll be charged at the same rate even if we leave in the evening (and lose almost one whole day of relaxation and enjoyment - which seems far frm everyone's minds rite now), my parents decided tht it juz wasn't worth it.

but my mum was so disappointed tht even i was influenced by her. i was all rite with not going, cos at most i can re-schedule the meeting and cancel my leave. but leave for her is hard to take. it's a weird company policy, as usual. so her colleagues have booked advanced leave for the next mth or two, making it impossible for her to take leave at the same time. so she can onli take leave next mon. and coincidentally, my brother doesnt have sch on mon (though i dunno why).

so yes, now comes the aftrshock. my mum blames my dad, becos he could've booked during lunch, but he didn't. so now, seeing my childish and irritating little brother react so strongly (i.e. throw a tantrum) to the change of plans, my mum said tht no matter wht, she'll take the 3 kids with her on a holiday this wkend. i.e. without my dad, cos she's sooo mad at him. says it's not the first time tht it has happened. tht she had given up on a lot of things becos of his last min decisions.

haiz. i understand my mum's disappointed. but i think my dad is, too. but he's a guy, so he can't show it, esp not in front of his kids. but i knw tht he's sad and disappointed abt it too. i dun think tht he'll be happy juz becos he gets to save tht amt of money by not going. aftr my mum ignored him for pretty much the entire time, i think anyone would be sad, too. and i do wanna go on a trip (becos i dun wanna risk incurring my mother's wrath), but it's juz.. not the right thing to do. i mean, it wun be a family thing if my dad didn't go.. even though i'm not as close to him.. we're all still a family, rite? i think i'll tell her tht tmr.. when she's calmed down. aftr all, i'd rather go to somewhere like the zoo or underwater world together as a family of five, rather than have someone missing like that. dun u think?

my laptop's still not ready. i sent it in for repair but still, they haven't called me. need to call them tmr to ask abt it. at least if i realize tht i need to pay for the repair fees becos whtever is wrong with it is not covered under the warranty, i can start saving up for it. not tht i've been spending much money either.

now tht i'm working i think i'm spending less money than when i wasnt (still, i'll try to find a way to fit tht piggybank tht dear kenneth n victoria have given me for my present - btw, my mum laughed at it when i showed it to her).

suddenly it's like everyone's into family reunions. wonder wht's up with tht. my cousin juz came back frm the land of america after studying and working half her life there and today aftr lunch, we're gg to her house becos she wants to reminisce with us. with whtever memories we have. no harm, i suppose. though i'm not particularly excited abt meeting her.btw, she came back cos she's getting married soon. met some taiwanese guy in america and yep getting hitched. dun get me wrong, it's not tht i'm not so much of a family person - it's juz tht.. i mean, come on, let's juz say i might be a little more excited abt meeting an old fren. the thing is, i reli dunno her at all. so in simple terms, she's juz a little more than a stranger.

and another cousin of mine (from my dad's side) is also getting married. hooray. i need to get a dress for tht occassion and hopefully i can wear tht same dress twice for both weddings. since i find tht it's reli of no pt to buy a new dress which i'll probably juz wear it once in my life two times in a row.

not reli in a gd mood today, as u probably can tell. been thinking abt some stuff. wht to do and wht not to do. wht to hold on to and wht to let go of. wht to pursue and wht to let other pple pursue.

but still, life goes on. i'm still gonna send my present to keegan. (sorry love, abt tht. been settling a few stuff lately and well, work's been tiring. but i'm sure tht's no excuse either. so u shld get ur present by next wk, latest. cos i intend to send it to u tmr.)

juz finished my ben elton book. it's called 'past mortem'. not bad a bk, if i may say so myself. quite grotesque in some details, but if u knw me well enough, tht would be one of the last few things tht will stop me from reading on (or watching on, if it's abt a movie). gonna go to the lib to rent some more of his books, as well as other authors.

think i'll go to the library at orchard aftr work tmr to find my books. shld be a fulfilling trip. though nth much is fulfilling enough (at least, not for me for i myself knw tht i'm not easily contented) these days.

oh. my. god. my last post was on may 29th???

nth's wrong with me. it's my laptop, u c. smth's wrong with it, or rather, its space bar. (can u even imagine wht it feels like to be able to use ur laptop and NOT the space bar??) and i'm too lazy to use the house comp cos it takes forever to start up.

well, forever has come and gone, as i'm now using my house computer to send my emails and of cos, update my dearest blog, which i've missed so much, to my surprise. so i've actually become emotionally attached to an immaterial thing - how queer.

anw, i've sent my emails, checked them, replied to them, and got a shock becos my hall application is STILL being processed. how irritating. i mean, if u dun wanna give me a room, then juz say it straight in my face. dun make me wait like some useless squatting duck. ok i haf no idea where i got tht phrase frm.

anws, i haven't done a to-do list since a long time ago, not even for work, since work isn't tht challenging aftr all. (yes, it's still boring.) so according to the to-do list i've made up this afternoon, i'm supposed to update my blog and then clean up my room and then watch tv. haha then again, mb i'll watch tv aftr i finish updating my blog. cleaning up my room can wait - since it has waited for so long alr. muahahaa. aftr all, today is my rest day.

feeling a bit icky icky with the tummy. dunno wht's wrong with it. mb i shall lie on it for a while. haha. anw abt my job, as i said, it's still boring. sure, more things to do, esp last friday. my gdness the whole company was in a frenzy. i guess got quite a few people leaving the company to seek greener pastures elsewhere, so they have to clear up their stuff before leaving. and of cos, wht better way than to use the temp staff to help clear up their shit? i even had to do overtime. but it's ok. i dun mind, since i'm getting paid for tht.

speaking of which, my pay hasn't 'arrived' yet. i'm paid on a wkly basis, and till now i'm still wondering if tht's good or bad. but anw my pay for last wk hasn't been transferred to my account yet!! they said to send my paycheck out by monday noon, so i did. dun tell me they'll delay my pay by a wk??? i hate such things. haiz.

oh well, i'm gg to eat my lunch le. haven't eaten yet. hungry. even though i reli am getting fatter by the day. *sobz*

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