juz finished watching the lake house, aftr putting it off for a while. bought it a few days ago. i seldom buy CDs or VCDs or DVDs on my own. usually i ask my dad to pay for them. but when i reli do, it means tt they're kinda.. special, u noe? the show was ok. initially it was kinda nonsensical - i mean, how can two pple who've nvr met and live two yrs apart finally meet? it's like.. a time warp. diff time dimensions.. unless time stood still at the lake house. which i guess and think is the most beautiful part of this show. not to mention the most magical part. towards the end the show reached a peak where it was reli touching.

another part of the movie got me thinking. sandra bullock was doing her rounds (she's a doctor in the movie) when she saw this young girl patient watching an old film and the girl asks sandra bullock if she thinks the actor and the actress will get married in the end. so sandra bullocks says she doesnt know and asks the girl wht she thinks. the girl said her mum told her tt there'll always be someone better around the corner, so sometimes u oughtta wait. but sandra bullocks replied: if you're not careful u could end up waiting ur whole life.

true true. i always thought tt there'd be someone better waiting for u arnd the corner. but now i realize tt when u think he's rite for u, he's rite. no pt lking anymore. becos u might end up waiting and waiting. and either the next person doesnt come, or u might realize tt the one u gave up on was worth much more. so i guess it's best to treasure wht u haf. someone better may or may not come along - but it's up to u to decide. hmm..

where time stood still. hmmm wonder if tt'll ever happen.

i think it will. dun u? :)

i hurt someone i love and hold dearly and close to my heart, by saying smth i shldn't have said.

for tht, i'm really sorry, love.

forgive me.

ok. so mb it's time to face up to my own insecurities and weaknesses.

i hate being called 'weak' and 'useless'. though nobody has ever called me those in utter seriousness, i even hate it when they mean it as a joke. these are the sensitive words to me. becos i'm so afraid of being incapable of doing smth. mb tt's y i'm competitive and tt's y i hate losing. n mb tt's y i try too hard at times, even when i'm not expected to.

i've always loved music. but sometimes (n today is one of those times), i feel tt being able to play a certain instrument and being capable of playing a solo performance in front of a crowd is nth compared to if u can play sports. sometimes i wish to myself tt instead of being musically inclined, i were to be sports inclined. sometimes i feel dispirited, especially, if pple ask me wht i play for n i reply 'CO', they'll go, 'huh? wht's tt?' i mean, wht's the pt, then, playing smth other pple dun understand or appreciate.

i noe - as long as i noe and understand and appreciate, tt shld be enuf. but sometimes, to me at least, tt's not enuf.

i always claimed tt i dun mind being alone and tt i dun need anyone to be arnd for me. but now i noe tt it's all been juz a claim and a facade. becos i'm so afraid of being unloved and left alone.

and today, i feel useless.

when u lked at me
i didn't speak a word
but u guessed it all

i still dun feel
tt i have any chance
of meeting ur demands

is it juz me
thinking too much
or u're avoiding this as well

if ur choice is reli me
i'll pluck up my courage and accept it
slowly and unknowingly
my vision starts to blur

the first time i told u 'i love u'
my heart wouldn't stop trembling
the first time we held hands
i lost my sense of direction
i didn't knw where to go

tt's the reason y we're in love
tt's the reason y we need to hold on

the first time i kissed both ur cheeks
wanted to stay awake but felt dizzy instead
the first time i lay in ur arms
i stayed tt way for 24 hours

tt's the first time i knew it'll last forever..

in hall now and today is N-O-T my day. definitely not. i woke up at 10 becos of this irritating grasscutting noise tt's STILL gg on even though it's alr been 45 min since i woke up. naf called to ask abt directions to ntu but tt's still ok since i needed to wake up n tt seemed to be a gd wake up call, intead of the grasscutting uproar tt - did i mention - is STILL gg on??

then when i wanted to go n take a bath, i realized tt my shampoo went missing. my brand new l'oreal shampoo tt cost me 11 bucks. brand new. i bought it for the hols and therefore, BARELY used it. i leave my bathing stuff outside my rm door and tt's ok since everyone else does it. but recently things haf gone missing. they've grown legs and ran off by themselves. not only my shampoo did tt, even my dynamo (washing detergent) did the exact same thing - run off with its two 'legs' - a few days ago. tt one wasn't such an agonizing loss since only like, a quarter of it is left. so tt isnt so bad. i'd even consider tt charity. but this?? my shampoo?? tt's gg beyond the charity line and i'd consider tt theft.

though it's kinda pathetic when u think abt it - stealing shampoo. i stuck a paper outside my door at the shoerack where i used to leave my stuff there (now i put them in my rm). it says: 'there's nth left for u to steal. go get some financial aid or counselling'.

in bold, of cos. i dunno abt u, but stealing smth so personal like shampoo is quite a disgusting act for me. i dun think i'll ever go steal someone's else personal stuff n use it as my own. if u wanna borrow it, tt's perfectly fine with me. but pls, leave me a note. unless the note, too, grew legs or mb even wings and flew away frm my shoerack.

and then as i make my way downstairs to borrow sent's shampoo, and i did send a msg to prevent any unnecessary misunderstandings, i nearly fell down the stairs. i didn't, though, but i did twist my ankle there and then. but it's ok alr la.

oh n did i mention i woke up with a tummyache? my gawd. the list doesnt seem to be ending anytime soon.

and then aftr all this nonsense in the morn i haf to get ready for an 8-hr rehearsal at NYaudi ltr. for this sunday's CO performance. my gawd. we're onli performing 2 bloody songs. y do we need 8 hours??? i dun bloody care. once i get the schedule out of my forever-hard-to-reach sectional leader, i'll stay for a while and tell her i need to leave earli. if she asks y i'll juz tell her i haf a meeting or smth. i mean, wth la 8 hr rehearsal. someone juz kill me.

aftr everything i need to drag my tired body back home. dun think my dad or mum'll be up to driving me back frm ntu. haiz.

plus i ran out of games to play. this is one of the times when u think to urself, 'life sux.'

the only consolation of the day so far (though i doubt i'll haf any more of those gd things happening today) was tt i got hot water at 10.30am, half an hr aftr the heater stopped.

who knws - i haf a bloody feeling i mite even screw up my solo during the rehearsal AND the performance. haiz. life sux.

i'm at home rite now. and omg i can't believe how bored i am. haiz. though i'm onto another bk called 'fat, stupid, ugly'. borrowed it frm the lib along with 'a brother's journey', written by richard pelzer. find the surname familiar? if yes, tt's becos he's dave pelzer's younger bro. dave pelzer - the boy called IT. i'm sure many of u recognize tt title. hm turns out tt he was abused in replacement of his older brother david aftr david was taken away by social services. some parents are juz digusting.

today is supposed to be a special day. but it's ok, i guess. everyday ought to be lidat - a special day. and it's not the amt of time spent - it's what u did and how u did it and most imptly, with whom. i got my wish fulfilled today. and even though it happened in mere minutes, i'm glad it happened in the end. :)

when u tell me tt things'll work out
when u ask me not to give up on u
when u say everything'll be fine in the end
when u say believe in me

i wanna believe u sometimes
really
i want to
but somehow it's getting harder to believe
with each passing day

becos sometimes u dun give me a reason to believe

i dunno wht's wrong with me. i keep feeling upset these days.

i think it's the hols. i felt almost the same way the last time i had a long break frm sch work. mb i'm juz a workaholic. one who needs to work and work and forget abt everything else in life. aftr all, work itself carries no emotions.

there're so many things i wanna tell u
so many things i wanna say
u always say, "tell me."
but sometimes u're never there to listen

i wanna tell u tt i bought a new eeyore accessory
i noe how much u hate him
i recognize the way u always throw him in the cupboard
but u dunno abt the things i found today while shopping

i wanna tell u tt i bought a new bk
one tt cannot be found in the libs
one by sophie kinsella
one called 'the undomestic goddess'

i wanna tell u tt i played sims 2
with my brother today
and tt i nearly screwed up a game
tt can't possibly be screwed

there're so many things i want to hear from u
how's family
how's WWIII over with ur twin brothers
how's everything else

but u can't call
and u can't listen either

i'm kind of scared sometimes
becos it's juz like me
to feel detached after a while
to give up trying after a while
to juz let it go aftr a while

i'm sorry if i sound wrong
but i juz haf to tell u this somehow
and somehow this seems to be the best way of getting ur attention


sometimes love is all about waiting

but sometimes...

it's just too hard to slp with a heartache

Designer: Jessica
image: D.A
Fonts: Dafont
Others: Paint & PhotoShop