.Tuesday, February 28, 2006 Y
'tis another day..
lunch break. darell n natalie did come aftr all, but they were at their desks n i din c them come in. hm had lunch juz now with nat cos darell wanted to take a nap. there was vegetarian food today! haha n i was happy for like, the first time in wat, a wk?
ok. exaggeration but ya i dun rmb smiling abt smth for a while.
hm.. i juz realized y i mite be so panicky n nervous abt tmr, n the same goes to those out there, who are currently freaking out.
it's cos pple like me.. live up to pples' expectations toooo much. i shld read deathprone's blog more often - there's this entry abt him not wanting to live up to expectations anymore, or smth lidat la. hm.. yst i was frowning n my sp fren was like dun worry la.. u doing badly is like.. bu ke neng lor.. (which means impossible)
n not to overestimate myself or brag or anything, but he's not the only one. my cousin oso said, 'u ar.. shld be ok' la.. shld be ok?? haiz, i dun even noe how 'ok' i'll be.. wat does 'ok' mean, anw? i mean, even this guy at work - whom i dun even noe well - said 'results are out tmr, rite? ni yin gai you ba wo la.' which means, i shld haf a gd grasp n control of my results.
hell, i certainly don't.
so i juz replied, 'i dunno'. which is the truth anw.
he said 'huh? dunno?' n then he walked away when i didnt say anything else.
yupz, i haf no freaking idea how everything'll turn out tmr.
i juz hope i wun leave the place crying. in fact, i hope i'll be one of those pple smiling like idiots.
for once, i dun reli mind being an idiot. in fact, i dun mind at all.
i asked my mum 'wat if i dun do well?'
'then re-take lor'
haiz. i noe it sounds logical, but it almost feels like she's given up hope on me la. in the past she used to say 'do u reli believe u're tt bad?' strange as it seems, i used to feel better once she said tt to me.. u noe, believe more in myself.. haiz or mb i've been asking her tt qn so often nowadays tt she's juz lazy to encourage me le.
my dad? oh, his ans was even more.. oh well, u judge it for urself.
'dad, wat if i dun do well?'
'then u can zi dong xiao shi'
(which means tt i can n shld disappear automatically)
my mum asked me 'y do u ask ur dad, of all pple? u noe he doesnt think when he speaks.'
haiz.
seriously, if it were me, asking myself tt same qn of wat if i did badly, i think i'll ans the same way. i'll juz zi dong xiao shi.
n once the results are out, the cages are unlocked.
n the vultures are out.
roaming n twirling in the air until they find smth to devour.
which in this case - gossip.
Sandra Oh (from Grey's Anatomy - which is a fantastic show btw):
'the only thing here tt spreads faster than disease is gossip.'
well said, sandra oh.
well said.
