two parallel lines can
and will meet one day
but only on paper
and through the deception of the eyes
but alas
it's easier to deceive one's eyes
than to lie to one's heart.
much easier.

happy 100th anniversary to my blog!! haha 100th posts since the start, tt is. haha it's turning out to be a nice day aftr all. hope nth goes wrong aftrwards. muahaha.

today was my first tuition session with ming an. the pri 4 kid. he's quite a gd kid, actualli. quite cute. but then his math... reli leaves much to be desired.. i guess he's not dumb, he juz lacks the confidence it takes to do maths probs. and then when he can't do the probs becos there're juz too many figures on the paper, he either panics or he juz thinks to himself that he cannot do the sums. therefore, he can't seem to do even the simple multiplication by 2 digits or more sums. hm then again, i juz realised today how damn reliant i reli am on my calculator. haha oh well. if there's a calculator available, y not juz use it? anw it's 'legal' to use calculators at 19 years of age, not 10, like for the kiddo. haha might as well make things more convenient for myself lor. but becos i dun wanna make his feel left out, i used mental sums and written working myself, so it's kinda like working side by side. at first it was a bit frustrating la, i guess, when he shrugs his shoulders and doesnt know how to do simple sums. but aftr like an hour plus, he got the idea and actually did the sums correctly la. i was rather happy, actualli. haha a small sense of pride kicked in this morn. so yup, it's not such a bad job aftr all. besides, i expected the kid to be more naughty, like all boys are. haha but oh well, it's only the first lesson, so.. we'll see how it goes.

AND my hair's not sticking out in all directions. which is gd. v gd. i tied my hair today, for the first time since april, i think. yup. tt long. it felt so gd to haf it up though. muahaha. hm and even in a ponytail, my hair's STILL not sticking out in all possible directions. thankful for tt. :)

i finished another one of dean koontz's bks. this one's fantastic, i tell u. the first dean koontz bk which i've read so far that actually make me feel rather freaked out. it's called 'the funhouse'. here's the summary of the story:

Once there was a girl who ran away and joined a traveling carnival. She married a man she grew to hate - and gave birth to a child she could never love. A child so monstrous that she killed it with her own hands... Twenty-five years later, Ellen Harper has a new life, a new husband, and two normal children - Joey loves monster movies and Amy is about to graduate from high school. But their mother drowns her secret guilt in alcohol and prayer. The time has come for Amy and Joey to pay for her sins...

Because Amy is pregnant.

And the carnival is coming back to town.

Cool, rite?? the funhouse is actually part of the carnival. hm freaky i tell u. but definitely worth reading. next i'm moving on to the last dean koontz bk tt i borrowed frm the lib on my last trip there - it's called 'hideaway'. abt this man coming back to life aftr a near death experience and bringing 'something' back with him, changing both his and his wife's lives. freaky story too, i think. but as i said, worth it. definitely and no doubt abt his bks. next i wanna borrow 'the book of counted sorrows, by whoever it is.. some light-hearted bks (finally, yes) by sophie kinsella, bks by sidney sheldon (didnt manage to find her bks at national lib lei.. wat a joke) as well this bk (forgot the title but i noe it's a v v v thick bk) by leo tolstoy. hm it's smth abt adultery.. smth like.. 'the scarlet letter' by nathaniel hawthorne. hm tt bk's nice, too.

watched episode 7 of the korean drama 'my lovely sam soon'. haha some parts of the show reli quite funny la. laughed my head off. esp for the female lead. she's not exactly pretty. quite plump. weird mouth shape. stupid and dorky lking hairstyle. walks with no poise at all, not to mention her gross eating habits of stuffing lots of food in her mouth. can be super fierce when she wants to. age 30 and still not married. but she's damn funny. and her character's reli nice. juz tt a lot of guys (jerks tt they are) dun appreciate her for who she reli is inside. which is sad, really. 16 episodes in total. but worth watching la. the due date's 12 june 06. so might as well take my time to finish watching it, rite? :)

shir, if u're reading this, i'm wondering if u've finished watching the serial. if u haf.. PLS DUN TELL ME THE ENDING!! haha warning u before u reli do. anw, hope ur crossover works out. *fingers crossed* i'd want a room mate like u very very much. haha :P

ah.. jap lessons ltr. almost forgot abt it. need to go revise le. hope hitoshi-san doesnt cancel out on me today. heh. gonna have fun le! tata~ :)

Don't look back. Something may be gaining on you.
=Satchel Paige=
(what kind of a name is satchel, anw??)

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'

You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
=Anna Roosevelt=
(imagine if her name were Anna Goosevelt instead. would anyone even take her words seriously?? sheesh)

i've decided.

to take up ntu's acctancy offer. hm. my original offer aftr all. haha aftr one big round of decision making i decided on the original thing anw. wat a waste of time and energy. haha hm oh well. at least for ntu, i need not fill in any forms. not yet, anw. haha mb ltr in june.

then my mother's boss's son needs tuition. so i'll be tutoring the pri 4 kid every mon, wed, fri. the mother even wanted tuition everyday la. so scary. she said her son needed INTENSIVE tuition. i mean, tuition every day is not intensive ba.. it's crazy. haha hm teaching him math n chi. and my mother says her boss told her that if i were good (which i seriously doubt so), she'd want me to either teach her son everyday, or i'll be teaching her older daughter (sec 3) math as well. well, as u can see, the whole family is bad at maths. muahaha. i hope i haf enough patience and i hope i do a gd job out of it. i dun wanna make my mother lose face, u noe. muahaha.

aiya so sad la. becos i saw the wrong title the other day, instead of 'qian jing bai fen bai' (100% Senorita), i saw 'ai shang qian jing mei mei'. cos both show titles haf the words 'qian jing' ma. so i mistook one for the other. since the first show (100% Senorita) is an older show, they dun have it for rent le. then i went to this vcd shop. saw it for sale. 49.90 bucks. i.e. 50 bucks. haiz. then my mother was like, dun always waste money lidat la, girl.. muz learn how to save money. haiz. wat a bummer. oh well i guess she's rite.

so now i can only watch it on youtube. which is a hassle. becos i think there're abt 40 episodes to the show, but each episode has abt 6-7 other sub-parts. i.e. to search for a certain episode, must type in '100% Senorita 2 (1 of 7)'. meaning episode 2, sub-part 1. so silly la. i have to watch 7 parts in order to finish one bloody, measly episode. wth la. haiz, oh well, at least it takes less than 10 min to finish loading one sub-part. which means i'll take an hour for each episode. somewhere arnd there la.

haiz. so xian. i hate it when i can't buy the stuff i want, whenever i want it. haiz. hm i'll end my blog entry here today. cos my bro, sis and i gg to watch x-men the last stand together. weird la, watching show with my family members. hm but yes! without my mother's disapproval, i'll buy popcorn tt's at least HALF SALTED. dun bloody care even if my bro wants sweet. i'm paying. he's lucky i still haf a heart. therefore only half salted. if not, i'll make the whole thing salted alr lor. wat a great sis he has lor. muahaha. :)

Now take my hand and hold it tight.
I will not fail you here tonight.
For failing you, I fail myself
And place my soul upon a shelf
In Hell's library without light.
I will not fail you here tonight.

=The Book of Counted Sorrows=

(no i dun haf the bk, i wonder if the national lib has it though. it's a quote frm one of Dean Koontz's books 'By The Light Of The Moon'. v nice! promise! heh)

i'm in love! again!

with wallace huo jian hua!!! he's so super cute!!!! haha just finished watching 'at the dolphin bay'. so silly ar. it was on tv a while ago i think, but i didnt think of watching it then. didnt know he was acting in it ma.. muahaha. shld've watched it earlier instead of wasting money to borrow vcd. haha but watch vcd better la. can watch non-stop. muahaha. no need to wait one whole week just to watch the next episode. he's soooooo cute la!!! and if u think he's juz someone who lks gd but can't act, then u're so wrong! and i'm not saying this becos i think he's adorable and so pretty lking. haha but he reli can act. and aftr listening to a few of his songs, i realized that he can actually sing, too!! haha he's perfect!! some little facts:



Full Name: Wallace Huo Jian Hua (yes, i'm not v excited abt his eng name, but nvm. muahaha a tiny flaw, tt's all)
DOB: 26 Deb 1979 (not so excited abt his age either, but oh well. haha n to be born a day right aftr xmas day.. wat a gift from santa claus la!! nvm tt it's late! heh)
Fav Colours: White, Black and Blue
Collection: Sunglasses and hats
Fav Male Actor: Tom Cruise
Fav Female Singer: A-Mei (c? he has gd taste. at least he didnt say someone like britney spears. muahaha no offense to anyone out there)

muahaha the funniest thing is that i borrowed this 'at the dolphin bay' vcd for another guy, ambrose xu shao yang. (ok dun ask me how they find such dumb eng names for themselves but it doesnt reli matter la. nobody reli cares.) here's a pic of him:

not bad either, huh? i watched this other show with him as the male lead before i watched ATDB (At The Dolphin Bay). yes now tt im jobless im v free and bored at home. haha it's called 'hou tian mei nu'. dunno wat it's called in eng la, but the male lead's ambrose xu. dun haf wallace huo in it. haha oh well.

gg to northpt ltr at arnd 6 plus. late evening. meeting sangee, huimin and anny. to celebrate my very very belated bd. haha but oh well, thx guys anw. hm so i'm gg to the comic shop to return the ATDB vcd and try to borrow the other vcd. i saw it the other day. called 100% Senorita. didnt borrow it the other day becos i dun like the female lead in it ma. but then again, wallace huo is acting in it, as a lawyer. and he lks gd in a suit!! doesnt he?? ok so he isnt exactly wearing a suit, but he does lk gd, u'd haf to admit. muahaha. 100% Senorita has 40 episodes in it, or so i've heard. haha my mother's gonna nag at me for not finding a job and borrowing ANOTHER vcd. hope it's not too expensive to borrow. and i hope he's the male lead. haha if not i'll be skipping all those parts without him acting in it le. muahaha.

i cannot believe it. haha i juz quit my job. aftr 2 days. dun tok abt it. the pay's not fantastic, the hours are long, i have to stand there all day by myself, and i got scolded by some ugly and miserable woman when i'm not even her staff. come on, cut me some slack. scolded for smth i didnt do. and she made it sound to be a huge sin on my part. i wun tok abt it anymore. it's disgusting to even think abt it. and i hope i nvr ever land in a sales job anymore. it's juz terrible. i's rather stand at home, even without pay. at least nobody treats me like dirt the way that stupid old woman did.

ok, the funny thing is: i got a huge package in the mail yst. so i was like, oh it's from ntu. u noe, abt the hostel thingy? but NO. it wasn't frm ntu. it was frm, guess who? haha NUS!!! weirdo sch. sending in my acceptance letter so bloody late now. haha hm i got into biz admin. though i dunno wat it means lei. then my father, being an ex student of NUS, of cos supports me gg into NUS la. so disgusting la, i alr accepted ntu le. y confuse my life even more now? i'd be glad if NUS had juz left me alone. now i haf one extra choice to think abt la. hm shit man.

my mum said she'll support either one of my decisions, be it ntu or nus. hm but wat she said make sense too lei.. she said tt all acct student will have to do auditing. they can only be accountants when they've lots of experience and other certificates other than juz a degree in acct. hm but biz is more general and therefore more flexible. haiz.

i juz put on nail polish. it stinks la. as in, more than normal nail polish. it smells more like traditional chi medicine la. i wonder y. n the colour's all wrong. as in, diff from the one i saw and bought at the shelves. mb it's expired. is there even such a thing as expiry date for nail polish??? weird.

i used to think the differences we had
made us smth special
and unique
but now
the differences in opinions
thoughts
feelings
just make me feel that
we're drifting further and further apart.
it's sad
isn't it?

OMG. they say u nvr know wat u're missing until it's reli gone.

they're rite. at least, for this time. i miss my SIA job!!!!!!!!!! WAH~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *sobz* i miss my chair!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stupid sales job. had to stand there for eight hours straight la. granted, i get breaks in btwn whenever i want, but i wasnt hungry n i didnt need to go to the toilet PLUS i thought it was pretty stupid since my fren, sangee, hasnt started working yet so there's pretty much nowhere to go or anything to do alone. so i didnt take my dinner break either. n when i got home yst, i sat on the bed and didnt feel like getting up la. haha then my parents swung by. it was pretty touching, actualli.. n i almost cried la, when my mum said to me, 'girl ar, must stand the whole day lei.. so tough, dun do alr la. so poor thing.'

haha only my first day. then i quit? nah, not me. but even now, as i type this out, my arms hurt. n i didnt even use much of my hands yst la. wonder y. and THEN, there's the dust. yucks. perks of the job? nth much actualli. the guys are ok, the ladies there are mostly aunties and none of my age. n mb the only gd thing is that i get to wake up ltr cos my shift on WKDAYS start at 1pm. but my shift on wkends start at 10.30am!!!! wah!!! i'm selling like, barney bedsheets? muahaha. barney, finding nemo, disney princess series, sesame street.. sheesh. haha the joy of it all.

hm.. k la, gtg do smth unproductive. yes, u heard me rite. unproductive. if i do smth productive now, i'm gonna die on my shift ltr. muahaha. tada~

hm!!! i'm gonna get a new job soon!! haha selling bedsheets!! muaha. i'm meeting the person in charge - richard - ltr at taka. at abt 5 i think. imagine, i'll be working in taka. AGAIN!! haha besides cold storage, tt is. mb i'll c those pple again. haha wonder if they'll rmb me though. i doubt it. i dun think i haf such a memorable face. if they DO rmb me, then i think there's smth wrong le. muz be tt i did smth terribly wrong for them to rmb my face. haha. hm i wonder if there's any uniform involved. hm but sure haf one rite.. working in a deptmental store. but richard seems like a nice guy. as in, he sounds all rite over the phone, so ya. haha he didnt even ask who the recommendation came from la.

then my mother told me yst that this colleague of hers, karen, has this son who's 22 yrs old i think. having uni hols right now for 3 mths and currently lking for a job. i was like, ok, i'll ask tt guy in charge if he has more than one part-time position available. and then my mother was like, 'haha, girl ar, he's VERY gd looking lei.'

'huh? who?'

'karen's son lor.'

'ma, he's 22. and an engineering student. all engineers are boring.' (haha oops. sorry ben. ok, i'd take my words back if i could. ALMOST ALL engineers are boring. muahaha.)

'but he's very gd looking!'

'gd nite, ma.'

haha wat a fruitful conversation we had last night. but turns out i called her juz now during her lunch break and then she said tt that guy might be lking for smth more permanant instead. haha watever. my mum's like, so silly la. if he's gd looking, and tt age, he must alr haf a gf. if he doesnt, tt either means he's weird. or he's gay. seriously. all the gd men in the world are either taken. or thy're gay. this is the theory i've come up with and since then nth has come up to oppose that theory lei. oh there's one more category i guess. either they're taken, gay, or they're not my type. muahaha.

hm so exciting! if everything works out fine, there's no CPF contribution too. means.. less money to the bloody govt and more money for myself!! oh yes, CPF's for the future housing loan blah blah blah. watever. save the lecture for when i'm REALLY working for a living. so the bloody govt better keep their stinking hands off my money and invest in whatever they want with other sources of money.

then no CPF contribution means tt the pay'll end up being better than that of SIA's. thx darell, for the job recommendation. :)

okie, i'm gg to watch 'renovate my family'. i like watching such shows, and the outcome of the renovation, aftr tearing down the whole freaking house. house, not apartment. and then there's still space for a pool, a personal garden and stuff. i think it's much more satisfying to watch this kinda shows rather than watching extreme makeover or the swan or watever. i even wanted to be an interior designer once, u noe. but didnt quite work out, i guess. but no regrets. i'm fine with juz watching such shows.

tata!

you know, i'm worried
and not to mention scared
that a part of me's already used to you
not being around.
i wish that part of me would disappear.
i dun think i ever want to get used
to something like that.
despite everything else that has happened.
and anything else that's left of us.

muahaha changed my blog music le!! wanted to replace the old song with jason mraz's 'geek in the pink' de, but the iwebmusic website dun haf. so i settled for another nice song by him - you and i both. oh, mb there's lifehouse's 'you and me' ar. hm i'll go find it later and mb use tt instead. haha then the jason mraz's song will only have a short lifespan of a day. so sad la.

i like the song 'geek in the pink' so much la! it's so cute! :)

I could be the one to take you home
Baby we could rock the night alone
If we never get down it wouldn't be a let down
But sugar don't forget what you already know

I could be the one to turn you on
We could be the talk across the town
Don't judge it by the color, confuse it for another
You might regret what you let slip away

Like the geek in the pink

+Geek In The Pink+
=Jason Mraz=

nice, rite? the song's so cute la. :) makes u wanna play it over and over again.

hm my fren, darell, found me a part time job selling bed sheets. haha so cute la. i thought i heard wrongly when she said 'sell bedsheets'. i was like, 'huh? sell wat?'

'bedsheets', she then repeated. haha oh well, i calculated the pay. it's not bad u noe. quite gd. but i think muz wear uniform. haha oh wells. n i hope the pple there are nice pple. if everything works out fine, the pay over at taka might be even better than that of SIA de. dunno if there's cpf deduction though. haha but then again, there goes my leisurely time at home! oh no!!

oh well, u can't have ur cake and eat it too. so i can't earn money just by sitting arnd like a pig and doing nothing. muahaha.

smu called me. asked me if i was attending their lecture and talk on the taking up of the new major. called 'qualitative finance' or smth. haha but i've alr accepted ntu. or dun they noe? silly smu. muahaha. oh i hope the ntu package comes soon. then it'll at least give me smth to do for now. heh ;)

gotta lay off the dean koontz bks for a while. right now, i'm left with two books of his. 'ticktock' and 'the taking'. but yst i had a weird dream.

i dreamt of hypodermic syringes.

haha freaky. i dreamt of a lab and those syringes (and as if tt wasnt scary enuf, the syringes were neon pink in colour, i think =S). n a weird woman who claims to be a doctor, or was it nurse? hm definitely weird.

haha so today i actualli woke up earlier than usual on a wkend. strange occurence i think. and time's passing so slowly today la. it's only noon. not even late afternoon la. shld be gg out for dinner with family. but wat am i supposed to do for the rest of the day???

oh well i'll figure smth out. muahaha. anw yst i watched the last episode of xianjianqixiazhuan. ok it's supposed to have spaces in btwn but i'm too lazy to do tt. so there. haha n tangyu xiaobao (acted by this taiwanese actor peng yu yan) is sooooo cute! haha. n he's not even the male lead la. HOWEVER, he has bad taste in girls in the show, considering the fact tt he's in love with this ditz tt thinks of only food, and somehow kills her own dad and the worst part is, she chopped both his arms off. *rolls eyes* and he's in love with her.

haha love can be blind. definitely the case. *nod nod*

hm trying to play this piano piece now. tooi hi no kizuato. i dun even noe wat it means and from which anime it comes from la (assuming tt it really is part of some anime) but it's nice. reli. :) but i emphasize the word 'trying'. it's not a particularly hard piece, but my piano's being a little more than difficult with me and my fingers. i understand tt it might be undergg depression. since the keys wun come back up once i play them. haiz.

What will happen will happen.

There is time for miracles until there is no time.

But time has no end.

+Velocity+
=Dean Koontz=

happy mother's day to my mother!! haha but she wun c this post ba, i suppose. but juz wanted to say it. heh. :)

finished yet another chapter. hopefully i'll get more than 220 reviews for this one. hm was so bored la. hundred more pages to the end of the book 'velocity' but it's getting more exciting. like there was this one time the killer said to the guy, 'give me someone in ur life to kill. if u dun, i'll find someone in ur life to kill. you have five minutes to decide.'

scary rite. like the clock's always ticking. the freak killer once killed a woman and peeled her face off. and preserved it in a jar. ew. all just for a performance. a freak show. and then the guy, billy, who's caught up in all of this business, has another fren who's equally freaky. she's called ivy and she deems herself as a haruspex. meaning someone who can foretell the future by looking at dead objects, usually insects. so like one day, she found this dead praying mantis on her doorstep, she came up with this theory tt says 'he who prays will die'.

i mean.. ??? haha but ya, the bk's damn interesting, i'd give the author credit for tt. and he make the killer out to be a genius. amazing.

now my family's watching vcd. 'fearless'. u noe, 'huo yuan jia'. the one with jet li in it. his supposed last action flick. the show's not bad. a lot of blood spurting out of necks, though. thus a bit too gory for an asian action flick. but all in all, the scenery in china's fantastic and the backgrnd music blends in wonderfully with the emotions involved. so overall, not a bad movie at all. haha :P

my mother suddenly commented that jet li has like 3 daughters, out of the 2 wives he's had. no sons at all. wat a pity, actualli. i dun actually think tt he'll impart his martial arts to his daughters, rite? which is a pity. he reli CAN fight. not like jackie chan kinda fight, where he plays arnd with the set, but as in real martial arts. which is nice to watch.

speaking of daughters, i've alr thought of wat to name my daughters. this is based on major assumptions. tt no.1, i actually get married. no.2, i'm not like my dad's side of the family. too many sons. too little daughters. i noe the sex of the baby is determined by the male. but both my aunts (my dad's sisters) have had only sons. so two of them combined.. makes 6 boys. 6 bloody boys. wat a horror.

so anw, the names. hm kayleigh and keira. yes, i admit, keira frm keira knightley. haha kayleigh pronounced as kay-li and keira as ki-ra. i even thought of a girl's chi name. zi xuan. zi as in purple, xuan as in... xuan.

haha i can't believe how bored i am.

another new blogskin?? yes. im THAT bored.

haha i like this one. frm the minute i laid eyes on it. i dunno y lei. haha i like the pic montage i think. and i do like the particular pic where the woman's on the beach.

i like the beach.. it makes me feel at ease with myself. n it allows me to realli breathe. as in take deep breaths kinda breathe. :)

now i juz need two things to complete my blog.

1. the music (i feel like changing it, too)
2. the pics!! i need to upload my gackt pics. haha into my profile pg. :)

right now i'll juz make do with one of his pics.














ah yes. much better. muahaha.

oh need to change and go out le. but got plenty of time la. abt an hour plus. haha gg back to aj (tt wretched sch. muahaha) with a few of my co frenz to watch their final rehearsal. and then i can bribe my conductor into persuading the ntu co pple to accept me into their orchestra. though i dunno use wat to bribe lei. havent thought abt it yet. mb my smile will suffice. haha yeah, rite. dream on, rite? :) hm but anw i 'm hoping there wun be much of an admission test if u wanna join the ntu co. hm. i've lost touch with my instrument le.. dunno how to play le, i think. sad fact. but admission first. haha then i'll worry abt my capabilities and abilities ltr. :)

i know it's hard.

but i'm gg to do it.

u've moved on. yes.

but i can't blame u for it.

i can only blame myself for not doing the same.

but this time, i'm gonna do it.

my life's waiting for me.

i'm not gg to use u as a shield anymore.

not using u to help me hide from life

and everything else tt lie ahead in front of my eyes.

so i'm gonna fight.

becos i'm a fighter.

deep inside,

i still am.

and the fact tt i miss u

wun change a damn thing abt the fight.

today was a busy day for me.

i checked my mailbox. to find.. haha ntu's stuff. nth much. juz a congrats letter n an A4-sized brochure on y one shld choose accountancy n wat acct has to offer. haha hello? i've alr made my choice. i'm more interested in the hostel thingy. n the application for it. haha not this stupid brochure. n then there's this invitation for this acct tok. mb i shld go, with my parents? haha it's on sun, so my mum most prob can make it ba. my dad'll prob be playing golf on tt day.. so ya, i dun think he'll be able to make it. hm i'll persuade my mother to go down with me on 14 may. though i doubt she'll need much persuasion. she'd want to know wat her daughter's getting herself into. haha

hm i need to clear my table. soon. aftr i finish this blog update. heh. everything's like in a mess now. i need to divide up spaces for diff things.. jap, korean, recipes, lib bks etc. n yes, i did say recipes. becos im right now, trying to cook. haha. speaking of which, i made sushi juz an hr ago. haha wasnt fantastic, but edible. i'm gonna try harder at tt n then one day aftr i've mastered the sushi rolling skills (which isn't as easy as it seems) i'll move on to udon and ramen. haha even though ramen seems like maggi mee, i'm sure there's some hidden secret to the successful cooking of it. or else y would pple go to sakae sushi juz to have ramen when they can eat instant mee at home? haha

hm i smell smth burning. haha no, i'm done with the sushi thingy for today, so it can't be me. hm smells like rubber. muz be my imagination.

finished another dean koontz bk in the morn. heh. wonderful. simply suberb. thumbs up! :) it's called 'the eyes of darkness'. abt this mother (tina evans) losing her son (danny) and mourning over his death for almost a yr plus when suddenly things start gg wrong and there are plenty of signs telling her that danny's not dead. it's kinda freaky at the start of the book when in danny's old bedroom, tina hears noises coming from in there and finds a chalkboard tt says 'not dead' in capital and bold. so it's almost smth like:

whoa i finished this dean koontz bk with a few hundred pages in like, 3 hours or less. yup, tt's how gd his bks are. it's called 'the voice of the night', so go check it out. it's abt how a 14 yr old boy can develop psychotic visions and how he likes the sound of skulls crushing and how he likes the sight of blood. when actually, he reli doesnt. he hates them. but it's called transferance. transferance, if i'm not wrong, is a theory tt psychologists learn. it's how u can't admit certain fears to urself, and thus transfer them into other things or objects - whether tangible or intangible - and then u're afraid of these things or objects instead. like when u're scared of the dark, but wun admit it to urself, u transfer this fear to imaginary things like ghouls, monsters, dracula. things tt dun exist. cool, huh? transferance.

naf once said tt dean koontz's bks made her sad, but it doesnt, reli. it makes one ponder, i think. abt y certain things happen, and tt sometimes, there reli isnt a reason for everything tt has happened in one's life. sometimes, there is no 'why'. there might not even be a 'how'. it's juz 'wat' u're gonna do abt it, since it's alr happening to u. and 'when' u're gonna make tt change in ur life.

hm romeo n juliet - the famous starcrossed lovers. i wonder wat happened to them. other than family feuds. n i wonder if they're happy now. so, are they like the famous couple - liang shan bo and zhu ying tai - the ones that turned into butterflies aftr their deaths? mb they're all residing in a haven for lovers only. if there's even one, i suppose. but even butterflies haf short lifespans, do they not? so y butterflies? y couldnt they have turned into something more lasting? like wat, i'm not sure, but i'm sure there'll be smth more lasting than butterflies. many other animals, perhaps.

so now, the famous question, were they ever meant to be together? be it romeo and juliet, or liang shan bo and zhu ying tai. or any other starcrossed lovers like the ones i saw in SVU. yst, in grey's anatomy, meredith said smth quite puzzling. yet true, i think.

maybe romeo and juliet were really meant to be together.

but only for a short time.

then their time passed.

hm. interesting. maybe.

happy bd to me. :) well, an hr and a half more before it's 09 may. which means, my bd'll be over by then. hm, bds dun mean much to me. not anymore, i guess. i dunno y.

in fact, there are a lot of things i dunno y. like.. y i've been feeling mellow these few days. n y i dun feel like toking these days. n y i can't seem to fall aslp at night. n y i can't seem to wake up in the morn. y i dun feel like eating these few days. and mb y i dun feel anything these few days.

haiz. but since it's my bd, this shall be a cheerful entry. at least, an attempt at a cheerful one. another why - y i can't seem to cheer up anymore.

why - one of the essential Ws. why, wat, where, who.

hm.. ok. think cheerful.

hm i love my family, though. reli. esp my parents. i dunno wat i'll do without them. yst, when they bought this fantastic cake, i almost cried. but it's kinda embarrasing to cry when u're 19 and in front of ur super sensible mum who'll know right away tt smth was wrong, so i didnt bawl. haha i juz smiled and blew out the candle. hm i wonder if i'll rmb my wish for long. i dun even rmb wat i wished for last yr. n i wonder if wishes reli do come true..

i'm not christian. but i made a prayer to God once. juz once. and i made sure that it would only be once. y to God? and not to Buddha? hm cos the prayer wasnt meant for me. it was meant for someone else who believed in God. so i thought it'll be more apt to pray to God instead. juz once. if i say it now, and mention it in my blog, will it still come true? hm but today is a special day, no matter how boring it was, so mb i'll take the risk, and say my prayer out loud.

i wish tt u'll be happy wherever you are, and whoever u're with.

hm, it's not for the person related to all the previous depressing sidenotes at the end of almost every blog entry, in case u're wondering. but for someone i've alr forgotten. but the prayer holds true for him. hm. the only prayer i've ever made to God, and the only prayer i'll ever make to God. for him. for that someone i've alr forgotten.

how easy it is to forget some pple. and how hard it is to juz stop toking to some others.

i dun haf claustrophobia. but i like to run. when i feel the walls closing in arnd me, i run. i flee. n sometimes i wish i could fly. but then, this time. i dun c anywhere i can run to. i dun like the feeling of being trapped. but somehow i know, tt i saw the exit a long time ago. i juz let the door shut by itself. becos i didnt wanna run. not then.

mb not even now.

but it's strange how internal conflicts arise. how one part of me wants to juz shut down. and how another part of me still wants to try.

i hope it's not inauspicious to cry on ur bd.

hm went to east coast today.. went with my dad's side of the family.. hm thought the restaurant'd be by the sea, but it wasnt. kinda disappointing.

i miss the sea.. wanna go there at night. hm..

haiz. msn's working now. finally. but i'm still using my dad's laptop. figured i shld get used to using a laptop since i'll be using one soon once i'm in uni. hm so, ya. wanna try to be able to type faster with the laptop. the keys seem so retarded la. and there's no number pad. how is tt gg to work out? weird. but at least the backspace key is long. haha i can't stand those keyboards with super short backspace keys. then i always press wrongly and end up hitting the equal sign.

hm. i'm gonna delete the stupid song from my mp3. it keeps playing la. even though my songs are on shuffle mode. craig david's 'don't love u no more'. dun even noe wat it's doing there la.

i'm tired.

it's been a tiring night.

are u tired?

u've been running thru my mind the whole day..

the whole yr..

the whole time..

u shld be tired..

gd nite..

OMG. there's something terribly wrong with my comp. now i'm using my dad's laptop, which i think is haunted. becos before i even type anything, with my hands off the laptop, the word 'they' suddenly appears. out of nowhere. so this laptop types 'they' all by itself. isnt tt strange?

ok better stop scaring the shit outta myself.

hm ya anw there's smth wrong with my comp becos i can't even log in into msn. omg. therefore i can't seem to tok to anyone. which feels kinda weird. u noe, like shut out from the world. n i can't even use the webmessenger on the comp becos i can't seem to turn off this stupid pop up blocker thingy. sheesh, the comp's reli out to try my patience, i tell u. irritating. so right now im using my dad's laptop. and which is even weirder becos even on the laptop, i can't use msn. cos there's some prob. OMG. is this even happening to me?

and then when i finally log in, using webmessenger, the only few pple online.. are pathetic. i dun even tok to these pple la. OMG. that's the third time im saying OMG. ok, fourth. but seriously, wat's wrong? and then i saw christopher online, so i said hello. n no reply. becos status: away.

wat is wrong with the world today?

i hate the world today.

it's my first day off, give me a break, will u? haiz. the only gd thing that came out of today is tt i got to watch quite a few episodes of 'loveholic'. dun stare at the comp screen lidat, i noe it's a terrible and cliche name. but the show's not bad. a bit draggy i suppose, but all korean shows are, i think. mb except full house. omg. but i can't keep watching the show forever. the two pple are more of a pair of starcrossed lovers than romeo and juliet la. at least romeo and juliet got back together in heaven. or at least, i'd love to assume tt's the case.

honestly, i hate the world today.

well now, i am bored. once again. but this time, it's diff.

'cos this time, i reli have absolutely nth to do!! haha i've been doing nth since aftr lunch la. which makes me feel like a bum. a lazy bum. sloth. another one of the seven deadly sins committed. how tragic.

hm oh well, it's my last day. having absolutely no work to do at all is my privilege. my prerogative. :)

haha i make it sound so right.

well i'm here
but i don't wanna stay
'cos you're not arnd
you nvr are anymore

not here
not now
not forever

tell me what to believe
won't you bring me order
tell me what to achieve
so i can move forward

you say hello
inside, i'm screaming i love you
you say gd night
in my mind, i'm slping next to you

you drive away
from my car crash of a heart
but you gave me the best memories of my life

and even the bad ones ain't so bad

i just wish there was so much more than that
about you and me.

last day of work!! muahaha.

muahaha.

muahaha.

ok i think u guys get the idea. muahaha

*can't stop tt evil laughter*

hm ok.. so anw i'm sitting rite here, with almost no work to do, updating my blog etc. i'm gonna miss:
1. my frenz (of cos) :)
2. the free internet
3. the fruit juice
4. the food
5. the MINDS junk sale
6. the temp stalls set up every day which oso sell junk
7. random pple (aka jane, gladys, adrian, akemi etc)

sad facts. but true. haha ok moving on to smth more lighthearted.

i love bks by dean koontz!! let me quote a not so short excerpt frm his bk (The Key To Midnight):

Misery was her only companion. She was being forced yet again to choose between a man and her obsessive need for an extraordinary degree of privacy. This time, however, either choice would destroy her. She was teetering on the brink of mental collapse.

If she dared pursue him, the world would close like a vise around her, as it had done more than once before. In a waking nightmare, the ceilings, the walls and the floor would appear to draw together from all sides, tighter, tighter, until she was reduced by claustrophobia to unreasoning animal panic.

On the other hand, if she didn't pursue him, she would finally have to accept that she would always be alone. Forever. Resigning herself to unending loneliness was a heavier weight than she could carry.

Either way, whether she reached out to him or shunned him, she would be unable to endure the consequences. She was so tired of the struggle of living.

She wasn't frightened, repelled, or embarrassed by suicide, and she realized that her weary acceptance represented a terrible loss of will. For as long as she could remember, she had been tough enough to face anything, but she had no resources left. She was so tired.


nice? :) yup dean koontz is a great author, and so is patrick redmond. :)

List of what to do and for whom:

1. bracelet (green) for aunt
2. earrings (black) for vibha
3. earrings/ring (green) for naf
4. bracelet (blue or watever colour i suppose) for another aunt
5. earrings (purple) for MYSELF.

i've enough of rings alr, so i figure i'll lay off tt for a while.

ok, so i need to make another list of wat to buy:

1. chain
2. pliers (dun lk at me tt way, im using it for the earrings, not to kill someone.)
3. light green crystals
4. yellow crystals
5. gold crystals
6. cream coloured beads
7. whatever else is there

haiz. can't wait to get home. to my american idol and my piano. to play 'tooi hi no kizuato'.. :)

spoils my day. reli.

we had such a nice lunch at sakae sushi la.. then when we came back angela (one of the secretaries) asked me abt my leave forms. all along i didnt noe (or rather, didnt care) tt i had to actually apply for leave. i mean, wth for la? every temp staff has a day's worth of paid leave every mth, so does it matter whether we apply for it anot? who wouldnt take a day's leave since it's paid? stupid n dumb rules. seriously. give me a break.

haiz. but i guess she's juz doing her job, since she does have something to do, unlike me. but haiz, reli. such a spoiler. and i guess i gotta get used to this kinda thing. since i think every job requires this kinda thing to be done. some dumb procedure that gdness knows who made up juz to torture everyone who wants to take paid leave.

how dumb.

hm but sakae was gd. real gd. n i feel so slpy aftr lunch. haha omg it's only 3.30pm. officially, i still have a little over 10 hours of work before i can say byebye to this job.

hm then mr ang said tt his boss told him tt every yr STC'll need a temp staff juz to update and upload the SKIES (SIA official website) thingy. ew. tt means if i actually contact mr ang next yr during my hols, i have to come back. not tt i mind la. but i dun even noe if he's jking or wat la. but if he's not n i take up the deal, i have a source of income for at least tt mth. haha plus i can c adrian for one mth every yr. tt is, if he still decides to stick with this job lor. which i doubt so. muahaha.

aiya P H tay just came by n she was like, 'congratulations, u haf juz completed ur term with SIA. lk at mr ang. eyes all red alr. lks like he's gg to miss u terribly.'

muahaha. yeah, rite. they're prob red frm his smoking habits.

then she went on n said, 'all my yrs with him as colleagues, he only treat me to food court. now got 3 young chicks, he and seth treat u guys to restaurant.' following tt dramatic speech, she heaved a dramatic sigh. oh, P H. haha gonna miss her and her weird antics, too.

hm.. terrible feeling of loss. not tt terrible la, but it's still evident. wun haf to wake up earli though. i guess tt's gd. i guess. wun have to travel so far anymore. tt's gd, too. but i have to go job hunting again. which i suppose it's bad.

hopefully my dad can help me find a job in BEA (bank of east asia), where he's working at. haha mb i'll even work under him. ew. tt's weird.

whew feels better now. that stupid leave thingy.

oh i can finally concentrate on finishing my lib bks. n my beads. heh.

need to make a list of wat to do for who.. next blog entry. this one's too long, alr.

i forgot to watch desperate housewives AND gray's anatomy on monday!!!

why?!?!?

haiz. so sickening.

hm today seth (this guy frm my office) offered to treat the 3 part-timers and a few other colleagues i think. hm treat us to anything - according to him - and it's my choice. since im leaving tmr alr. oh. so sad. i'm gonna miss this place.

haha ok so i said it like i didnt mean it, but i do. honest.

hm anw i feel so bad abt it la. like, neither my frenz nor i noe tt guy v well lor. then he suddenly treating.. he said smth abt treating us when we received our results.. but it didnt happen.. wonder if it will today. hm.. but it still feels kinda weird.

why can't adrian treat me to smth instead?? haha mb becos i dun even noe the guy at all. much less than seth. muahaha. stupid dumb adrian.

slpy. stayed up late toking to chris. :)

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet

Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one


I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing

Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

+I'm A Bitch+
=Meredith Brooks=

ARGH.

I JUST SPENT S$22.40 ON A SWAROVSKI CRYSTAL HP ACCESSORY.

it's nice, though. haha

plus, it's exclusive for SIA crew. ;)

worth it, i guess.

maybe.

yst the whole bunch of us went out. it was fun. a bit weird cos got a lot of pple. but still fun. n we watched the wild~ haha v cute show. esp the snake larry. :) love it. it's so cute. plus the koala, nigel. haha shld go watch it if u haven't.

hm i'm so freaking bored. two more days left to my last day of work at SIA. hm weird. feels weird. i'll prob still wake up at 6.30am every morn. for nth. haha stupid dumb job. ruined my entire body clock. if there is even such a thing. :P

hm feel like changing my blogskin. but the skins get kinda boring aftr a while. they all lk the same. wanna create my own, but dun have dreamweaver software lei. so now i juz have to resort to using the skins other pple have created.

hm i'm gg to stop spending money. it doesnt exactly work. retail therapy, i mean. honest.

hm juz checked the SMU website. realized tt i got accepted into biz management. my second choice. oh well. accountancy was my first. hm. xianz.

shld i accept tt instead? which is kinda silly, huh? cos i've actually decided on accountancy. haha erm well, somewat decided la. some subconscious mind of mine decided tt for me. so no complaints there. :)

hm no news from nus yet. the last sch. hm once i receive the news (if there's any at all) then i'll decide by next wkend. heh.

yay today's labour day. gg out with naf and all. except jz i think. haiz.

i can't stand it. i was planning to slp in till like, 10 am la. but somehow, i woke up at 8.30am. with nth to do. n the aircon temp was so freaking comfortable la. at 20 degree celsius. haha the aircon's a bit spoilt la, so not v cold. :) hm then i realized even my sister's slping. and she's always the earliest one up. damn SIA. it muz be the stupid job tt's making me wake up at such an inhumanely hour.

hm oh n speaking of jobs.. i need to go find one soon. have decided i dun want tt bloody clinic job. too many restrictions. stupid.

tada~

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