happy bd to me. :) well, an hr and a half more before it's 09 may. which means, my bd'll be over by then. hm, bds dun mean much to me. not anymore, i guess. i dunno y.

in fact, there are a lot of things i dunno y. like.. y i've been feeling mellow these few days. n y i dun feel like toking these days. n y i can't seem to fall aslp at night. n y i can't seem to wake up in the morn. y i dun feel like eating these few days. and mb y i dun feel anything these few days.

haiz. but since it's my bd, this shall be a cheerful entry. at least, an attempt at a cheerful one. another why - y i can't seem to cheer up anymore.

why - one of the essential Ws. why, wat, where, who.

hm.. ok. think cheerful.

hm i love my family, though. reli. esp my parents. i dunno wat i'll do without them. yst, when they bought this fantastic cake, i almost cried. but it's kinda embarrasing to cry when u're 19 and in front of ur super sensible mum who'll know right away tt smth was wrong, so i didnt bawl. haha i juz smiled and blew out the candle. hm i wonder if i'll rmb my wish for long. i dun even rmb wat i wished for last yr. n i wonder if wishes reli do come true..

i'm not christian. but i made a prayer to God once. juz once. and i made sure that it would only be once. y to God? and not to Buddha? hm cos the prayer wasnt meant for me. it was meant for someone else who believed in God. so i thought it'll be more apt to pray to God instead. juz once. if i say it now, and mention it in my blog, will it still come true? hm but today is a special day, no matter how boring it was, so mb i'll take the risk, and say my prayer out loud.

i wish tt u'll be happy wherever you are, and whoever u're with.

hm, it's not for the person related to all the previous depressing sidenotes at the end of almost every blog entry, in case u're wondering. but for someone i've alr forgotten. but the prayer holds true for him. hm. the only prayer i've ever made to God, and the only prayer i'll ever make to God. for him. for that someone i've alr forgotten.

how easy it is to forget some pple. and how hard it is to juz stop toking to some others.

i dun haf claustrophobia. but i like to run. when i feel the walls closing in arnd me, i run. i flee. n sometimes i wish i could fly. but then, this time. i dun c anywhere i can run to. i dun like the feeling of being trapped. but somehow i know, tt i saw the exit a long time ago. i juz let the door shut by itself. becos i didnt wanna run. not then.

mb not even now.

but it's strange how internal conflicts arise. how one part of me wants to juz shut down. and how another part of me still wants to try.

i hope it's not inauspicious to cry on ur bd.

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