ARGH tax was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO difficult..

haiz. i feel lidat for almost all of my papers so far. except mb for one of my electives. this is a bad sign. mb i shld quit sch. i'm not suited for sch, i think. even accounting wasn't as bad as tax.

ok, so let's all pray for the bell curve distribution. i hope i dun fail or get C for tax. i'll be happy with a B or B-, i think. haiz. looks like i'm gonna get B for everything this sem. great. juz great. fantastic. superb.

and now there's still co law on wed. haiz. give me a break, will ya?

had accounting exam today.

haiz. made careless mistakes. again. so irritating. and i couldnt find the stupid figures tht cost me 15 stupid marks. damn it!

haiz. oh wells. believe in the bell curve and believe tht there are people worse off than me. the best self-consolation i haf.

and then there's tax on monday.

gonna make it a distraction so tht i dun think abt accounting.

i spent almost one whole wk on accounting la. feel so dumb.

gonna relax a little. play some mindless games, haf a slow and un-rushed dinner, watch a movie. and then do a bit of tax at night.

k then, hopefully tax would be better. :)

today's paper was ok, compared to yst's horrible paper. but i'm scared tht i wun be able to score well enough in the MCQ. haiz. oh wells. hopefully i can at least get a B+. at least this elective doesnt haf a report graded B to pull me back.

tmr's accounting! omg i was juz telling john that it feels like a marathon. tmr aftr accounting, i'm going to take a break for the rest of the day i think. can't take it. either gg to slp.. or watch movie on my comp or smth. haiz.

gonna be awfully lonely this wkend, though. spending it in hall again. and most of the people haf alr finished their exams, if not by tmr. so i'm like, one of the few that haf a few more papers left. but i can't wait till wed, when i'm entitled freedom for at least one whole month. well there's hall prod and other stuff i'm sure, but hey it's better than exam preparations or actually taking the exams.

i'm scared for accounting. cos the pattern in past yr papers has been irregular, except tht it doesnt really test master budget and process costing. and loads and loads of OA and agency probs. i've scanned thru all the exam papers but i'm not sure whether tht's enough. john said he was going to go thru the notes again. think i'll do tht too, to memorize some formats and mb standard answers abt agency probs. but will do that tmr.

for now, will do a little bit more of figuring stuff out before i go to bed and hopefully wake up earlier (at 8am) to study some more.

but i'm tired.. :(

NO! shan't give in. shall persevere..

until 1am, at least.

i knw i shldn't be blogging right now. it's a complete waste of time compared to the time tht could've been spent on studying, but if i dun do smth else other than studying, either my head'll explode or i wun be sane for long.

ok back to studying now.

juz hope i dun come out of the exam hall crying and sobbing. :(

hope i do ok.

today i've got another exam. HG901 - Language Puzzle. which my senior said 'can get A one'. but i calculated my marks for the 2 quizzes held. they comprise of 40% of the total marks while the final exam consists of the last 60%. out of 40%, i only got 28.8%. which means to get an A(which i'm assuming is 75%), i need to get 45.2% out of 60%. which also means 77% out of 100. GOOD GAME. shld have S/U-ed it as well. WHY was i so confident that my GPA would be pulled up by these nonsensical electives?? WHY OH WHY??

haiz. and the worse thing is tht today i found out that the elective which exam was yst is a 4 AU subject. NOT a 3 AU one. which means higher weightage for GPA. which means i'm screwed. officially.

i hate my life.

argh. had my first quiz today and it sucked. BAD.

like, i shld have S/U-ed it when i had the chance la. so irritating. it was like, 60% worth of 5 essay-like qns (12 marks) each and then 40% of data analysis. then the worst (and the stupidest, may i add) thing is that they only allowed, like, one page (A4) paper of lines and then expect u to do a 12 mark question nicely. AND for 20 marks, they provided half a page of lines. GREAT. they somehow had this perception of us having teeny weeny microscopic handwriting tht needs to be understood only wiht a magnifying glass in their heads when they set the paper. and this is the first semester they're introducing this paper. so i'm like, the first batch. and alr the paper sucks. gd luck to the marking and the rest of the papers in the future years, man. hope u all die from marking.

and wht's worse (yes there's more to come) is that my grp report for tht elective was 20% worth of totla marks and we scored a freaking B. B for Bad, u know? damn it. did i mention that i shld haf S/U-ed it? for the 10% quiz, i got 88%. i repeat - 10%. tht's like, nothing. peanuts. or even less.

why did they make all the tutorials so freaking easy when the examination's so hard? so stingy on paper (wht, trying to save more trees? they're ALREADY dead, for gdness sake) and so general on the questions. e.g. ''The outcome of language contact is always unpredictable' Discuss.' ..

..WHAT THE HELL??

'Macro-sociological factors (such as industrialization and urbanization) is crucial to Language Shift. Discuss.'

GOSH. thk gdness i ain't no sociology student. but i think they dun haf crap like these either - i bet their stuff makes more sense.

haiz. oh wells. tmr got another elective, friday got accounting, next mon got tax and next wed got co law. still need to go thru like gdness knws a heap load of stuff for accounting and i dun think i'll haf enough time before the exam itself.

gd. another subject to flunky-dunk-dunk.

Yes. tht's wht i call it when i dun feel so gd abt the subject.

FLUNKY-DUNK-DUNK.

tmr's my first paper! can u believe it? while many people are busy celebrating away aftr tmr (i knw some of my frenz are having their LAST paper tmr), or at least, they'll most prob be celebrating this wkend, i'll still be busy mugging for all my other papers!! :(

oh wells. better continue studying now. hmph.

BYE~~

studying accounting in hall. decided to take a break and not go to the lib today. decided tht mb a lack of air con will do my nose good. juz hope i dun get lazy n fall aslp in hall. *strong suspicion*

so bored. i was thinking abt names tht i like. but almost all the names i think of are girls' names.

1. Justine
2. Justina
3. Delilah
4. Lila
5. Layla
6. xx Anne e.g. Mary Anne/Marie Anne
7. Kayleigh

haha i could go on forever. oh wells. juz for fun. hahaha. now it's time to get back to my studying. bleah.

today marks the official start of the exam period.

at least, i think it is, unless there are sad cases of pple arnd who haf alr started taking their exams.

it's almost like a cycle thingy. i'll pass by every day thinking, 'ok i'm quite productive today cos i've done almost everything of wht i'm supposed to do for today'. but then at the end of the day, i feel like shit. i feel like i havent exactly done much or enough for the day. haiz. why is tht so?? i still feel bloody unprepared for all my papers. and they start next wk. i'm going to start on accounting tmr (finally!) aftr the last revision class last tues. gonna study tht all the way to sat/sun. and then mb i'll switch to smth else. i havent reli done many exam papers yet. so far onli one each for tax and co law. and the one i did for co law is the one for tutorial 12 la. aftr tht tutorial i went and re-did the tutorial as well as revised the chapters related to the qns. one thing for co law is tht there nvr seems to be enough time. even for a 5 mark qn, it asks for two aspects of a chapter. i mean, come on. either u ask less or u give more marks la.

tax is worse. i think everything i've studied so far has flown out of the window. and not to mention co law. i've alr forgotten wht was taught for the last chapter. not to mention the first few. and now tht i've revised some of the earlier chapters, i'm bound to forget it by the wed aftr next wk. like, 2 wks from now!! how to rmb!! madness.

haiz. gonna slp earlier. like, now. cos haf to wake up earli tmr to 'chope' places in the lib. sheesh. can't believe tht i'm juz like any other typical kiasu singaporean, 'chope-ing' for seats. gosh. the horror of it all. c wht uni does to u? and today i got pushed twice by these two stupid ah tiongs who wanted to rush in. alamak.. scared wht? GPA alr 5.0 or higher, if possible. dun worry la. sure got seats for u one. *rolls eyes* anw he was behind me in the queue. dumb ass. stupid china people. hate them. can't think of one i like la. mb becos my course doesnt haf any. (thk gdness for tht)

anw naf came over today. had fun. let's do it smth again soon k, babe? but muz study more, okie?? next wk will be exam wk for me le. no longer watching others struggle harder than me cos i will soon be one of them. but not enough to be an ah-tiong, of cos. muahahha.

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind

But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting

They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor
After all this time I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind

But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this, why
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind

But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

=Blind=
-Lifehouse-

haiz. not mugging hard enough. and exam's are like, really soon. i keep thinking tht i'm almost ready for the exams. but i knw tht i'm not! i mean, i treated it as though i'm almost done for tax becos i juz had a midterm test the wk before last wk and it covered all the chapters for the second half of the semester. so i keep telling myself tht i dun need to study tht hard for those chapters, tht now i need to focus on the front chapters. which i've done 'deductions'. so wht's really impt (i feel) is the chapter on 'capital allowancse'. i'm gonna try to finish it by today (though i doubt i can do it) and then try to do exam papers tmr.

i guess the real shock will kick in once i realize tht i dunno how to do the exam papers. i juz knw it'll happen. juz need to properly realize it, i think. haiz. denial. self-denial. humans. inextricable links.

ANW, tmr's deepavali. so happy deepavali (or diwali) to everyone out there! yups. will be gg to a fren's house tmr evening onwards but need to leave hall at arnd 4 plus cos taking a ride from my fren leon to tht other fren's house. gotta be at novena at 6.30pm. haha so far, rite? might as well go to the place myself la. but oh wells. a ride is better than nothing. and plus leon'll be going back hall aftr the celebrations thingy, so he can drop me off at my hall as well. save on the cab fare, too. good. saving money is always gd. then he can drop saira off too since she leaves nearby hall as well. then i wun be bored on the way back. leon's funny though. can keep me awake and talking (alive and kicking) the whole way back. so it shld be fun. except tht my workload and revision timetable will be weighing down heavily on me. i can juz imagine my subjects as animate objects, watching me and breathing down my neck.

i had a nightmare today, while i was taking a nap. see y i'm so worried? the exams're coming and still, i'm taking afternoon naps. plus i will haf to go home on fri night. waste of time again! shit. half of this wk has alr come and gone. i bet the next wk will pass by even faster. WHOOSH - it'll go.

anw, abt my nightmare. i've nvr been someone who's suited for guilt. as in, i dun think i've ever carried guilt on my shoulders for perhaps, more than one day? or mb even an hour max. but i feel guilty towards this one person. juz this one. and it hasn't subsided since 1++ yr ago. coming to 2 yrs, i think.

i haf a lot of guy frenz. and some platonic relationships (like it or not) will haf misunderstandings arising from the closeness of the two people. either misunderstandings from the outside world or misunderstandings within the two people. guys and girls - can't they ever be juz friends? or can they? i've had a lot of neutral guy frenz. but i guess he was different. mb i led him on. but we were frenz for so long. more than 2 yrs. he was my companion to tide me over my jc times. he was a great companion. i'm saying all this cos i knw he wouldnt read it. i dunno if anyone would, seeing tht my post is so long for one of the rare times, but i guess i juz needed to get it off my chest.

so as i was saying, things didnt work out btwn the two of us cos the basis of the relationship changed. it wasn't friendship anymore and it wasn't a mutual feeling either. got scared like the stupid girl i was, i turned him down. but i guess there was smth abt the way everything ended.

juz felt tht smth was left hanging. i knw i owe him an apology. and even though i gave it to him, i still feel tht way aftr so long. but juz to say it again: sorry.

the nightmare i had was mb an excerpt from all those scenes i imagined in my head when reading those psycho-thriller books. i dreamt tht we were all grown up and tht i saw him but couldnt recognize him. it was funny, cos i was looking at the whole scene from an outsider's POV, even though one of the characters in the dream was me. so it was like looking at ur life from another POV. somewht. so anw i (as the onlooker) recognized him straightaway but the other me didn't. and the other me, as i said, was all grown up and had my own family alr. no husband to be seen (god, pls dun let it be a sign), but i was with my young beautiful daughter. i actually dun rmb how my 'daughter' looks like, but i'm assuming she'll be beautiful. hahaha.

and the onlooker me saw how he made frenz with both my daughter and i. but as the onlooker i knew he was abt to take revenge on me thru my daughter. haiz. then it ended there.

the nightmare.

must haf been one hell of a guilt trip.

There's no time for us.
There's no place for us.
What is this thing that builds our dreams,
then slips away from us?

Who wants to live forever?
Who wants to love forever?
Forever.
When love must die.

Touch my tears with your lips.
Touch my world with your fingertips.
Then we can love forever.
Forever..

+Who Wants To Live Forever+

it starts today.

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